I see you. I see how tired you are at the end of the day. I
see how tired you are in the mornings because your mind wouldn’t shut off when
you laid down. I know how hard it is to hold it all together for not only you
but the 3 precious faces you get the pleasure of looking at 24/7. I know you
feel like you’re failing… but you are actually kicking ass and taking names. I
know it doesn’t feel like it most days, but I promise you that you’re doing an
amazing job. Just showing up, being present, and trying your best. These are
just some of the reasons you stand out to your littles. They see you too.
Even after your mind reminded you that you might not be
ready… because, come on now, you’ve ran through the scenarios several times of
what COULD happen. You’ve binge watched the ID channel and have seen the same
stories over and over of the single mom looking for love…. Only to fall for the
wrong guy and end up on the same channel as the victim. It’s hard. It’s SO
freakin hard. BUT, you can’t let fear keep you from meeting someone who could
potentially be your 2nd chance. You DO deserve a 2nd
chance. You know that right? Say it with me “I deserve to be loved. I’m worthy.
I’m beautiful just the way that I am. I deserve to love again and be loved. I
am enough.” (My amazing friend reminded me of this often through text. Because
of her love… I say this daily to myself.)
Some nights you lay there in bed and think about all the
heartbreak you’ve seen and felt. If only people could see your heart from the
outside… or even your mind. They might be surprised how ripped apart you are.
They could also be shocked at how well you DO handle your daily life. If they
could see how many moments of your day end in tears, frustration, and cuss
words. You just need to remember to give yourself grace, a 2nd
chance, and a few uninterrupted (Ha! Three kids? Yeah right!) deep breaths. One
day you will wake up with a different thought process. It just takes a while.
Just remember to thank your tribe at the end of it. Thank them for holding your
hand through it all. Without judgement, they have loved and cheered you on.
You’re probably thinking “How the hell did I get so lucky?” right? I think
about that too. Thank your tribe for letting you take as much time as you need
to be angry, hurt, distant, and so many more emotions. No one really knows how
long it takes the heart to heal. There’s no right time… please know that.
People will tell you over and over about TIME… but only you know when your
heart is ready. And when it is…. Jump right back in like it was the first time.
Hear me? It’s ok! You’re allowed to be loved. You’re allowed to be happy. You
are certainly allowed to be a grown up with dreams and passions. Yes, you’re
still that amazing momma… but don’t forget you are also a human who thrives on
connection with other humans. You love… love. I think that’s admirable. The
definition of time is the measured or measurable period during which an action,
process, or condition exists or continues. So even the Merriam-Webster
dictionary doesn’t even have an exact amount of time. Just please… do what your
heart feels is right. At the end of the day time doesn’t protect your heart. It
may make the hurt, betrayal, grief lesson… but it will always be there.
You’re ready to laugh again aren’t you? You’re ready to find
that person to share your life with and make some HAPPY memories. You’re tired
of crying and feeling incomplete right? I understand. You learn through this
whole process that you can do it on your own. That you are capable of fixing
the toilet and taking care of the yard. You climb up to the top of that shiny
ladder thing that has leaned up against the wall for months now to change the
garage lightbulb. You figure out how to play both roles with a sense of
accomplishment. I see you. I see how independent and strong you are becoming.
Holy crap… who knew you had it in you girl! I’m amazed by your fierce self and
your gentle soul. Keep that spark and allow yourself to be vulnerable again.
Life is too short. Do I need to remind you that I lost my dad at 22? I’m not
afraid to love again and I refuse to let someone take one of the greatest
traits about me away so you shouldn’t either. He may have taken so much from
you and the kids… but that doesn’t mean you get to give up. Get back out there.
Try again. I promise you won’t be alone.
Your tribe loves you. I’ve never been so sure about anything
in my life. They have been with you through one of the worst times in your
life. They will also celebrate your new
found love. For them… it will be like falling in love all over again too,
because they feel what your heart feels. That’s why they are your tribe. They
may tell you to take it slow, and that’s ok. They aren’t saying don’t allow
yourself to fall or be too vulnerable. They are just expressing that they don’t
want to see you hurt again. They will be there for you again as many times as
it takes… but your heartbreak took a toll on them too. You may not have known
at the time… but so many people hurt right alongside of you. You are so loved.
By so many. That has to tell you something. You may not feel like you’ve
accomplished many goals or dreams that you’ve had in the past 10 years…. But if
you would stop and see how many people have been cheering you on, holding your
hand, opening your beers, helping to pay your bills, watching your kiddos,
sending you texts, making you food, telling you that YOU will find a more
meaningful love again… You’ve accomplished more than a college degree or a corporate
job. You have found that love can be shared in so many other ways than just
between a man and woman. Your kids witnessed this love too. They know the
importance of throwing out the boundaries of love. Thanks to you.
Please, put yourself back out there. If you are willing to…
there’s someone just as special as you out there taking the same chance. When
two broken souls find each other it’s a completely different kind of love. You
aren’t choosing each other out of necessity or excitement. You are choosing
each other because you genuinely want to share life with that person and all
that comes with them. You are choosing to love the scars and fears. You will look at
each other and understand the battle you both have fought. That’s when the
magic happens. I’m not saying you won’t get hurt again. I wish I could… but I
am saying that every chance you take will be worth it.
Scared about how your kiddos will react? They are watching
and learning from you. It’s important for you to show them that sometimes life
sucks…bad. You also need to show them how to get back up when you get the wind
knocked out of you. The person you meet will love them too… because they are
the biggest part of your heart. And same goes for them and their kids. It’s
truly like hitting the jackpot. More hearts mean more people to add to your
tribe and love. You get to choose each other. It will be scary for everyone,
but again, you know your heart and you trust his. Your kids will be just fine.
In fact, they will be better humans because you didn’t give up and you allowed
them to see a happier, healthier version of you. They deserve to see what a
healthy love looks like. Remember… they will be traveling this road one day
too. Just remain patient. Continue to be vulnerable and honest. Don’t fall victim
to the past. It already took 10 years of your life.
Last thought… I’m proud of you. I’m so incredibly proud of
the woman you have grown into. You are clothed with dignity and strength. You
certainly laugh without fear. The most impressive part of all of this… You
learned to love yourself regardless. You chose yourself for once and it was the
best decision you could make at that time in your life. Will there still be bad
days? Heck yes! You are well prepared for those days now though… just remember to
ask for help if you need it.
Shout out to all my warrior friends out there. I have
watched your journey. I have been cheering you on. Silently… and I’m sorry for
that, but it was all I could do at the time. Thank you for loving me regardless
of how quiet I was. You understand though. I love and respect the hell out of
you because I understand too. Keep fighting the fight and keep loving yourself.
You’re so worth it.
-M
-M
