To the single moms who are trying to find their 2nd chance...

I see you. I see how tired you are at the end of the day. I see how tired you are in the mornings because your mind wouldn’t shut off when you laid down. I know how hard it is to hold it all together for not only you but the 3 precious faces you get the pleasure of looking at 24/7. I know you feel like you’re failing… but you are actually kicking ass and taking names. I know it doesn’t feel like it most days, but I promise you that you’re doing an amazing job. Just showing up, being present, and trying your best. These are just some of the reasons you stand out to your littles. They see you too.

Even after your mind reminded you that you might not be ready… because, come on now, you’ve ran through the scenarios several times of what COULD happen. You’ve binge watched the ID channel and have seen the same stories over and over of the single mom looking for love…. Only to fall for the wrong guy and end up on the same channel as the victim. It’s hard. It’s SO freakin hard. BUT, you can’t let fear keep you from meeting someone who could potentially be your 2^nd chance. You DO deserve a 2^nd chance. You know that right? Say it with me “I deserve to be loved. I’m worthy. I’m beautiful just the way that I am. I deserve to love again and be loved. I am enough.” (My amazing friend reminded me of this often through text. Because of her love… I say this daily to myself.)

Some nights you lay there in bed and think about all the heartbreak you’ve seen and felt. If only people could see your heart from the outside… or even your mind. They might be surprised how ripped apart you are. They could also be shocked at how well you DO handle your daily life. If they could see how many moments of your day end in tears, frustration, and cuss words. You just need to remember to give yourself grace, a 2^nd chance, and a few uninterrupted (Ha! Three kids? Yeah right!) deep breaths. One day you will wake up with a different thought process. It just takes a while. Just remember to thank your tribe at the end of it. Thank them for holding your hand through it all. Without judgement, they have loved and cheered you on. You’re probably thinking “How the hell did I get so lucky?” right? I think about that too. Thank your tribe for letting you take as much time as you need to be angry, hurt, distant, and so many more emotions. No one really knows how long it takes the heart to heal. There’s no right time… please know that. People will tell you over and over about TIME… but only you know when your heart is ready. And when it is…. Jump right back in like it was the first time. Hear me? It’s ok! You’re allowed to be loved. You’re allowed to be happy. You are certainly allowed to be a grown up with dreams and passions. Yes, you’re still that amazing momma… but don’t forget you are also a human who thrives on connection with other humans. You love… love. I think that’s admirable. The definition of time is the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues. So even the Merriam-Webster dictionary doesn’t even have an exact amount of time. Just please… do what your heart feels is right. At the end of the day time doesn’t protect your heart. It may make the hurt, betrayal, grief lesson… but it will always be there.

You’re ready to laugh again aren’t you? You’re ready to find that person to share your life with and make some HAPPY memories. You’re tired of crying and feeling incomplete right? I understand. You learn through this whole process that you can do it on your own. That you are capable of fixing the toilet and taking care of the yard. You climb up to the top of that shiny ladder thing that has leaned up against the wall for months now to change the garage lightbulb. You figure out how to play both roles with a sense of accomplishment. I see you. I see how independent and strong you are becoming. Holy crap… who knew you had it in you girl! I’m amazed by your fierce self and your gentle soul. Keep that spark and allow yourself to be vulnerable again. Life is too short. Do I need to remind you that I lost my dad at 22? I’m not afraid to love again and I refuse to let someone take one of the greatest traits about me away so you shouldn’t either. He may have taken so much from you and the kids… but that doesn’t mean you get to give up. Get back out there. Try again. I promise you won’t be alone.

Your tribe loves you. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life. They have been with you through one of the worst times in your life.  They will also celebrate your new found love. For them… it will be like falling in love all over again too, because they feel what your heart feels. That’s why they are your tribe. They may tell you to take it slow, and that’s ok. They aren’t saying don’t allow yourself to fall or be too vulnerable. They are just expressing that they don’t want to see you hurt again. They will be there for you again as many times as it takes… but your heartbreak took a toll on them too. You may not have known at the time… but so many people hurt right alongside of you. You are so loved. By so many. That has to tell you something. You may not feel like you’ve accomplished many goals or dreams that you’ve had in the past 10 years…. But if you would stop and see how many people have been cheering you on, holding your hand, opening your beers, helping to pay your bills, watching your kiddos, sending you texts, making you food, telling you that YOU will find a more meaningful love again… You’ve accomplished more than a college degree or a corporate job. You have found that love can be shared in so many other ways than just between a man and woman. Your kids witnessed this love too. They know the importance of throwing out the boundaries of love. Thanks to you.

Please, put yourself back out there. If you are willing to… there’s someone just as special as you out there taking the same chance. When two broken souls find each other it’s a completely different kind of love. You aren’t choosing each other out of necessity or excitement. You are choosing each other because you genuinely want to share life with that person and all that comes with them. You are choosing to love the scars and fears. You will look at each other and understand the battle you both have fought. That’s when the magic happens. I’m not saying you won’t get hurt again. I wish I could… but I am saying that every chance you take will be worth it.

Scared about how your kiddos will react? They are watching and learning from you. It’s important for you to show them that sometimes life sucks…bad. You also need to show them how to get back up when you get the wind knocked out of you. The person you meet will love them too… because they are the biggest part of your heart. And same goes for them and their kids. It’s truly like hitting the jackpot. More hearts mean more people to add to your tribe and love. You get to choose each other. It will be scary for everyone, but again, you know your heart and you trust his. Your kids will be just fine. In fact, they will be better humans because you didn’t give up and you allowed them to see a happier, healthier version of you. They deserve to see what a healthy love looks like. Remember… they will be traveling this road one day too. Just remain patient. Continue to be vulnerable and honest. Don’t fall victim to the past. It already took 10 years of your life.

Last thought… I’m proud of you. I’m so incredibly proud of the woman you have grown into. You are clothed with dignity and strength. You certainly laugh without fear. The most impressive part of all of this… You learned to love yourself regardless. You chose yourself for once and it was the best decision you could make at that time in your life. Will there still be bad days? Heck yes! You are well prepared for those days now though… just remember to ask for help if you need it.

Shout out to all my warrior friends out there. I have watched your journey. I have been cheering you on. Silently… and I’m sorry for that, but it was all I could do at the time. Thank you for loving me regardless of how quiet I was. You understand though. I love and respect the hell out of you because I understand too. Keep fighting the fight and keep loving yourself. You’re so worth it.

-M

Siblings.

Having siblings, but being an only child.

Anyone else like this? I have several siblings, but when my mom remarried I was 9 years old and we moved to TX. My siblings were older so they chose to stay in CO. My little brother obviously stayed with his mom. I grew up here in TX and they grew up there in CO…. I became an only child.

I know it sounds like an amazing set up… having brothers and sisters when I needed a friend or advice, but got all the attention at home. I’m just here to say it is one of the biggest struggles I think about daily. It’s so hard to watch them all grow as people… without me.

Let’s be honest… I know we think about each other and love one another, but we miss(ed) life with them. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving…. I’m so glad they get together and celebrate. It’s still hard not to be a little bit envious. I wish my kids knew what it was like to have them in their everyday lives. I hope and pray every single day that my kids follow their dreams, but stay close. I can’t describe the feeling of watching my nieces and nephews grow up in pictures. It hurts my heart. We all have had babies, and only got to hold them once or twice. I'm still hoping to meet my newest nephew soon. You want to snuggle and love and kiss on them… but instead you watch someone else do it.   

We can visit whenever we want, but it’s hundreds of dollars and traveling with THREE kids. Whew. It's just hard.

We try our best. We really do. I just feel like the longer we are apart the easier it is. When I see them it is such an emotional high (Does that even sound right? I can’t describe it!) that I can’t even imagine how I have lived without them for so long.

You are left wondering what it would be like to have a huge Thanksgiving with everyone at the same table. Or how they look under the glow of Christmas lights. Even after 22 years, I still constantly think about it.

I’m glad I am where I am… and I am thankful that my mom and I moved to TX when we did. We have a bond stronger than the strongest because we were all we had. We depended on each other to explore this new experience. I met my Husband because of that move. I have all my friends because of it. I don’t regret it. I could have moved back… I did move back… But I didn’t know how to fit in and I still felt a huge part of me missing. No matter where I am in the world, I’m always missing someone important to me. I am blessed that I have so many people to love and miss.

I remember when my dad past away and I felt so lost. I wanted to be close to my siblings so I could have daily reminders of him. My sister Jennifer has his humor. She will make you laugh no matter the situation. Humor (sometimes rated R) is her thing. My brother Mike… Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. He smells like him. Looks like him. Sounds EXACTLY like him. And his hands… they are dad’s hands. Ryan only had 13 years with him and that just isn’t fair, but he got his heart. He is so loving and only sees the absolute best in everyone. Angie wasn’t biologically his (She is my momma’s!) but man did she love him. She would claim him in a second, and I LOVED her for that. We all make a complete puzzle of our dad… when we are together. I just wish we had a little more time to be together.

I also think about what my relationships would be like with my siblings significant others. Or what kind of friendship they would have with my husband.

That’s the thing about life… We all eventually grow up and start our own.

I guess what I am getting at is I miss them terribly.

I miss my nieces and nephews too. 

Siblings.

Having siblings, but being an only child.

Anyone else like this? I have several siblings, but when my mom remarried I was 9 years old and we moved to TX. My siblings were older so they chose to stay in CO. My little brother obviously stayed with his mom. I grew up here in TX and they grew up there in CO…. I became an only child.

I know it sounds like an amazing set up… having brothers and sisters when I needed a friend or advice, but got all the attention at home. I’m just here to say it is one of the biggest struggles I think about daily. It’s so hard to watch them all grow as people… without me.

Let’s be honest… I know we think about each other and love one another, but we miss(ed) life with them. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving…. I’m so glad they get together and celebrate. It’s still hard not to be a little bit envious. I wish my kids knew what it was like to have them in their everyday lives. I hope and pray every single day that my kids follow their dreams, but stay close. I can’t describe the feeling of watching my nieces and nephews grow up in pictures. It hurts my heart. We all have had babies, and only got to hold them once or twice. I'm still hoping to meet my newest nephew soon. You want to snuggle and love and kiss on them… but instead you watch someone else do it.   

We can visit whenever we want, but it’s hundreds of dollars and traveling with THREE kids. Whew. It's just hard.

We try our best. We really do. I just feel like the longer we are apart the easier it is. When I see them it is such an emotional high (Does that even sound right? I can’t describe it!) that I can’t even imagine how I have lived without them for so long.

You are left wondering what it would be like to have a huge Thanksgiving with everyone at the same table. Or how they look under the glow of Christmas lights. Even after 22 years, I still constantly think about it.

I’m glad I am where I am… and I am thankful that my mom and I moved to TX when we did. We have a bond stronger than the strongest because we were all we had. We depended on each other to explore this new experience. I met my Husband because of that move. I have all my friends because of it. I don’t regret it. I could have moved back… I did move back… But I didn’t know how to fit in and I still felt a huge part of me missing. No matter where I am in the world, I’m always missing someone important to me. I am blessed that I have so many people to love and miss.

I remember when my dad past away and I felt so lost. I wanted to be close to my siblings so I could have daily reminders of him. My sister Jennifer has his humor. She will make you laugh no matter the situation. Humor (sometimes rated R) is her thing. My brother Mike… Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me tear up. He smells like him. Looks like him. Sounds EXACTLY like him. And his hands… they are dad’s hands. Ryan only had 13 years with him and that just isn’t fair, but he got his heart. He is so loving and only sees the absolute best in everyone. Angie wasn’t biologically his (She is my momma’s!) but man did she love him. She would claim him in a second, and I LOVED her for that. We all make a complete puzzle of our dad… when we are together. I just wish we had a little more time to be together.

I also think about what my relationships would be like with my siblings significant others. Or what kind of friendship they would have with my husband.

That’s the thing about life… We all eventually grow up and start our own.

I guess what I am getting at is I miss them terribly.

I miss my nieces and nephews too. 

I'm THAT mom... and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Motherhood.

It's kind of like a club.... or maybe I should say a cult. Once you join... the only way to get out is to cross over to heaven. Seriously.

Some days you want to scream. Who am I kidding? Every day you want to scream.

I spend my days filtering my thoughts. What would people think if I posted this on Facebook? 

"How much Disney JR did I let them watch today? Did I really just say yes to cookies and milk for breakfast? Did my kids eat a vegetable with all 3 meals today?... Seriously, I just want to make sure they had 3 meals! Has the dog had food today? Oh my goodness... we have a fish. Has the fish been fed at all this week? A week... when was the last time I showered? I really think I just sent the kid to bed without brushing their teeth. Do I dare wake them back up to prevent cavities in teeth that are about to fall out? Wait... Did I brush my teeth this morning? Oh crap... it's 10 pm and my coffee is still sitting on the Krieg machine. Cold. Speaking of cold... I need to get my kids winter jackets. Winter in TX? Yeah I know... last year we all wore flip flops in the snow. Could I chance it again this year? Probably not. I'll go look tomorrow. Oh man... Tomorrow I have so much to do. Laundry. Yes, THAT'S what I need to do tomorrow. I have about 7 loads washed and dried. I think we have crossed over to Mt. Laundry... instead of a slightly filled laundry basket. Great... I just realized I wore the same thing I wore yesterday. I hope no one saw me while grocery shopping. Grocery shopping... can't believe I forgot half my list. The list would have worked better if I didn't leave it at home. Home sweet home... Or should I say Home Sweet Mess. I need to clean. How can I clean when all I want to do is rest? Do you hear that?? All the kids are resting. It's silent. I guess I'll go take that shower. Water running... BAHHHHHHHH!!!! Someone flushed the toilet. Old houses mean you can't flush the toilet while someone is showering or you will give them a 3rd degree burn! Maybe that was my husband. Wait... he is home? I feel like we haven't seen each other in days. We need a date night. What is a date night? Can we date at home? Speaking of dating... Did the kids eat dinner before they went to bed?"

I read an article someone posted on Facebook about "21 reasons you should be thankful you don't have kids yet." Not going to lie... I could have written it. It was so true.

I'm not saying don't have kids. What I'm saying is... My house is an amazing form of birth control. Instead of showing "16 and pregnant" in hopes that it will help lower the percentage of teen pregnancies... just film us.

Tonight I looked at the clock... It was 11:37 PM. Yes, I basically said midnight. All THREE kids... (not 1, not 2, but 3) were all awake dancing around the living room. Ok, not the baby. She was just watching and saying a "coo" every now and then. I took a deep breath and I said to myself "Mallory, you're doing a great job. Give yourself grace. The babies are loved and they are the happiest they can be. Nothing else matters at this very moment.

Throw the parenting books out. Stop asking FB if you're doing the right thing. Just love them. Let them be kids. Let them learn every minute of every day. Show them they are all you ever dreamed of. Lead by example. You can't teach your child to stop and smell the roses if you don't stop yourself my friends. You're going to make mistakes. You will probably lose your temper more than once. It's ok. Children are forgiving little humans. They don't care if you don't make everything you pin on Pinterest. They won't hate you for always having your phone in your hand. They won't hold it against you because you formula fed or breast fed in public. They won't even notice if you didn't make all their organic baby food from scratch. *Gasp, I know.* They will remember all the good and how much they were loved. I look back at my childhood and my mom didn't have all the books telling her what she was doing wrong. She yelled! She grounded us! She made mistakes! And I love her more than ever because she was HER. I'm so thankful that she instilled pieces of herself in me.

                                                 Over in our house.... We are living folks!

For real now... Everyone is asleep. Even K who is spending the first night in her BIG girl bed. She was having a rough time so her knight in shining armor came to her rescue. Seeing him do things like this make me fall in love all over again. I love this family. To the moon and back. Now... Off to get my 4 hours of sleep! Goodnight

I'm THAT mom... and I'm perfectly fine with that.

Motherhood.

It's kind of like a club.... or maybe I should say a cult. Once you join... the only way to get out is to cross over to heaven. Seriously.

Some days you want to scream. Who am I kidding? Every day you want to scream.

I spend my days filtering my thoughts. What would people think if I posted this on Facebook? 

"How much Disney JR did I let them watch today? Did I really just say yes to cookies and milk for breakfast? Did my kids eat a vegetable with all 3 meals today?... Seriously, I just want to make sure they had 3 meals! Has the dog had food today? Oh my goodness... we have a fish. Has the fish been fed at all this week? A week... when was the last time I showered? I really think I just sent the kid to bed without brushing their teeth. Do I dare wake them back up to prevent cavities in teeth that are about to fall out? Wait... Did I brush my teeth this morning? Oh crap... it's 10 pm and my coffee is still sitting on the Krieg machine. Cold. Speaking of cold... I need to get my kids winter jackets. Winter in TX? Yeah I know... last year we all wore flip flops in the snow. Could I chance it again this year? Probably not. I'll go look tomorrow. Oh man... Tomorrow I have so much to do. Laundry. Yes, THAT'S what I need to do tomorrow. I have about 7 loads washed and dried. I think we have crossed over to Mt. Laundry... instead of a slightly filled laundry basket. Great... I just realized I wore the same thing I wore yesterday. I hope no one saw me while grocery shopping. Grocery shopping... can't believe I forgot half my list. The list would have worked better if I didn't leave it at home. Home sweet home... Or should I say Home Sweet Mess. I need to clean. How can I clean when all I want to do is rest? Do you hear that?? All the kids are resting. It's silent. I guess I'll go take that shower. Water running... BAHHHHHHHH!!!! Someone flushed the toilet. Old houses mean you can't flush the toilet while someone is showering or you will give them a 3rd degree burn! Maybe that was my husband. Wait... he is home? I feel like we haven't seen each other in days. We need a date night. What is a date night? Can we date at home? Speaking of dating... Did the kids eat dinner before they went to bed?"

I read an article someone posted on Facebook about "21 reasons you should be thankful you don't have kids yet." Not going to lie... I could have written it. It was so true.

I'm not saying don't have kids. What I'm saying is... My house is an amazing form of birth control. Instead of showing "16 and pregnant" in hopes that it will help lower the percentage of teen pregnancies... just film us.

Tonight I looked at the clock... It was 11:37 PM. Yes, I basically said midnight. All THREE kids... (not 1, not 2, but 3) were all awake dancing around the living room. Ok, not the baby. She was just watching and saying a "coo" every now and then. I took a deep breath and I said to myself "Mallory, you're doing a great job. Give yourself grace. The babies are loved and they are the happiest they can be. Nothing else matters at this very moment.

Throw the parenting books out. Stop asking FB if you're doing the right thing. Just love them. Let them be kids. Let them learn every minute of every day. Show them they are all you ever dreamed of. Lead by example. You can't teach your child to stop and smell the roses if you don't stop yourself my friends. You're going to make mistakes. You will probably lose your temper more than once. It's ok. Children are forgiving little humans. They don't care if you don't make everything you pin on Pinterest. They won't hate you for always having your phone in your hand. They won't hold it against you because you formula fed or breast fed in public. They won't even notice if you didn't make all their organic baby food from scratch. *Gasp, I know.* They will remember all the good and how much they were loved. I look back at my childhood and my mom didn't have all the books telling her what she was doing wrong. She yelled! She grounded us! She made mistakes! And I love her more than ever because she was HER. I'm so thankful that she instilled pieces of herself in me.

                                                 Over in our house.... We are living folks!

For real now... Everyone is asleep. Even K who is spending the first night in her BIG girl bed. She was having a rough time so her knight in shining armor came to her rescue. Seeing him do things like this make me fall in love all over again. I love this family. To the moon and back. Now... Off to get my 4 hours of sleep! Goodnight <3 nbsp="" p="">