A Constant Struggle.... Always.

I have debated with myself over and over about posting a blog about this subject.  For so long now I keep finding myself saying "No, it's too personal." I love blogging and sharing with others, but some things I rather just leave people guessing....

So now you're all wondering what I am talking about. 

My weight.

Maybe I was in denial for a while, but after thinking about it.... This inner monster has battled with me since Junior High.  Yes, I have been at a healthy weight for most of that time, but I have never been happy with my body.  I have never looked in the mirror and said "Dang Girl, You're all that and a bag of chips."

Speaking of chips....  Just kidding.

So back to my struggle.  I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I have this false expectation that weight should be falling off of me now that I had Kora... but the truth is... It's sticking like glue.  I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I sure as heck won't lose it all overnight! It is going to take lots of time.  Thank goodness I have all the time in the world.  Well, kind of.

So now you're all thinking..... the terrible, horrible, NO GOOD, very bad question.  How much do I weigh?  I feel like if I spill the beans (More like lay off the beans) then I will keep myself accountable. I feel like if I scream at the world... "Hey, I'm really struggling here.... I'm unhealthy and I want to change!" Maybe someone else will get motivated and change their life with me. 

192 lbs.... That's the damage. And I say damange because our bodies aren't meant to carry this much weight, and neither are our organs. You know, the important things that keep you alive? 

All I have is excuses.

Korea (It was rough), Getting on Anti-Depressants (Yes, I'm human), Birth-Control (They say it can make you gain weight), Cupcakes (They're so good), Holidays (There's always a holiday), Being Pregnant (The more sweets you eat the sweeter the kid), Cupcakes (Always wanting cupcakes)..... That's all they are, Excuses.

Now this is where I change my excuses into actions.  I am now holding myself accountable. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. 

Things I Hate:

• Wearing jeans everyday during the 100 degree plus summers because I won't wear shorts.
• Logan.... He hasn't been swimming before because I won't wear a swimsuit. 
• If a Zombie was running after me... I would die... because I am overweight. (Hey, This lady could feed our whole clan!)
• Getting my picture taken.
• Shopping for clothes.
• Thinking about
• Exercising in front of people.
• How all the yummy food is SO BAD for you. 
• And the list goes on.....

Anyway... my point is that it's time for me to get back to where I want to be. I want to bring sexy back! For real this time.  I am done having babies so at least this time I can get to my goal body (weight too, but really that doesn't matter if you're fit and healthy.) and work to maintain.

Here's a picture of right before I met James and a picture of right after I met him.

(Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I was a Bud Girl.)

 

This is me now:

So here we go....  First step is admitting there is a problem and finding a way to fix it. I'm being honest with you... and with myself. Only hardwork will get me to where I need to be... where I WANT to be. 

**Disclaimer- This blog isn't going to become a crazy fitness blog, but it will have updates on my weigh-ins and daily struggles.**

A Constant Struggle.... Always.

I have debated with myself over and over about posting a blog about this subject.  For so long now I keep finding myself saying "No, it's too personal." I love blogging and sharing with others, but some things I rather just leave people guessing....

So now you're all wondering what I am talking about. 

My weight.

Maybe I was in denial for a while, but after thinking about it.... This inner monster has battled with me since Junior High.  Yes, I have been at a healthy weight for most of that time, but I have never been happy with my body.  I have never looked in the mirror and said "Dang Girl, You're all that and a bag of chips."

Speaking of chips....  Just kidding.

So back to my struggle.  I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I have this false expectation that weight should be falling off of me now that I had Kora... but the truth is... It's sticking like glue.  I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I sure as heck won't lose it all overnight! It is going to take lots of time.  Thank goodness I have all the time in the world.  Well, kind of.

So now you're all thinking..... the terrible, horrible, NO GOOD, very bad question.  How much do I weigh?  I feel like if I spill the beans (More like lay off the beans) then I will keep myself accountable. I feel like if I scream at the world... "Hey, I'm really struggling here.... I'm unhealthy and I want to change!" Maybe someone else will get motivated and change their life with me. 

192 lbs.... That's the damage. And I say damange because our bodies aren't meant to carry this much weight, and neither are our organs. You know, the important things that keep you alive? 

All I have is excuses.

Korea (It was rough), Getting on Anti-Depressants (Yes, I'm human), Birth-Control (They say it can make you gain weight), Cupcakes (They're so good), Holidays (There's always a holiday), Being Pregnant (The more sweets you eat the sweeter the kid), Cupcakes (Always wanting cupcakes)..... That's all they are, Excuses.

Now this is where I change my excuses into actions.  I am now holding myself accountable. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. 

Things I Hate:

• Wearing jeans everyday during the 100 degree plus summers because I won't wear shorts.
• Logan.... He hasn't been swimming before because I won't wear a swimsuit. 
• If a Zombie was running after me... I would die... because I am overweight. (Hey, This lady could feed our whole clan!)
• Getting my picture taken.
• Shopping for clothes.
• Thinking about
• Exercising in front of people.
• How all the yummy food is SO BAD for you. 
• And the list goes on.....

Anyway... my point is that it's time for me to get back to where I want to be. I want to bring sexy back! For real this time.  I am done having babies so at least this time I can get to my goal body (weight too, but really that doesn't matter if you're fit and healthy.) and work to maintain.

Here's a picture of right before I met James and a picture of right after I met him.

(Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I was a Bud Girl.)

 

This is me now:

So here we go....  First step is admitting there is a problem and finding a way to fix it. I'm being honest with you... and with myself. Only hardwork will get me to where I need to be... where I WANT to be. 

**Disclaimer- This blog isn't going to become a crazy fitness blog, but it will have updates on my weigh-ins and daily struggles.**