Wow... I was thinking I forgot how to log in again! It has been super crazy and I have been working my butt off trying to finish up a class and start 3 more. I will say that I am offiicially half way done with my associates... And I started last July 09 with ZERO!! Woo Hoo! Anyways, I have also been extremely busy with the farmville co-ops. Just sayin' :) I like to keep things honest.
Tonight my thoughts are going to be about leaving. Here it is... 4 days away that we should be leaving the country. Monday we finally got our orders issued... only to find out that they put down Logan and I deferred travel. Which means we can't go with James and we have to wait until June 25th to move there. I really don't know how this happens considering the lady who handles the orders and issues them told James the best choice was to get a 30 day deferrment inorder to travel together. Well... why would they tell him that AND not to mention grant him one only to laugh and say "too bad, so sad." So now, James will have to venture to a new country alone... (And he is perfectly fine doing so, but I know he will be worried about us.) This is where I need to just step up to the plate and make it happen. My husband did his best, and by that I mean calling anyone and everyone, writing emails in the middle of the night since Korea is 14 hours ahead, I mean everyday he was fighting a battle. Not only with all the people that had their hands on our orders, but with me too. I didn't give that man enough credit. He serious would not take No for an answer. Probably because he knew I would be more of a pain to deal with. I have this little problem... I am super spoiled and very selfish. I didn't think about him and the stress he was under, just mine. Oh poor me... moving across the world, leaving my family, traveling alone with a 15 month old... He is leaving his family too... and moving just as far... oh and will have to be in the field for weeks at a time. I don't understand why I couldn't take a step back and focus on what was truly important. We get to go and be together. Period.
I'm not mad... I was frustrated for a little while, and even sad. But at the end of the day, it will all be ok and work out the way God wanted it to. At least James gets to go find a house for us now. The only stress Logan and I will have is making it through that flight. If any of you know Logan... he is stubborn, and vocal. He loves to get his way (sounds too familiar) and nothing really will stop him. He doesn't sit for more then a few minutes because now that he has found his feet he is ready to conquer the world. I don't blame him. Usually I have to take a valium or something to calm my nerves while flying, but this time... God will be more than enough to calm my anxiety.
More to write tomorrow... Goodnight to all. And I hope that this coming week will be filled with more laughs than tears. (In my book)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Will this countdown ever end?
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Will this countdown ever end?
Wow... I was thinking I forgot how to log in again! It has been super crazy and I have been working my butt off trying to finish up a class and start 3 more. I will say that I am offiicially half way done with my associates... And I started last July 09 with ZERO!! Woo Hoo! Anyways, I have also been extremely busy with the farmville co-ops. Just sayin' :) I like to keep things honest.
Tonight my thoughts are going to be about leaving. Here it is... 4 days away that we should be leaving the country. Monday we finally got our orders issued... only to find out that they put down Logan and I deferred travel. Which means we can't go with James and we have to wait until June 25th to move there. I really don't know how this happens considering the lady who handles the orders and issues them told James the best choice was to get a 30 day deferrment inorder to travel together. Well... why would they tell him that AND not to mention grant him one only to laugh and say "too bad, so sad." So now, James will have to venture to a new country alone... (And he is perfectly fine doing so, but I know he will be worried about us.) This is where I need to just step up to the plate and make it happen. My husband did his best, and by that I mean calling anyone and everyone, writing emails in the middle of the night since Korea is 14 hours ahead, I mean everyday he was fighting a battle. Not only with all the people that had their hands on our orders, but with me too. I didn't give that man enough credit. He serious would not take No for an answer. Probably because he knew I would be more of a pain to deal with. I have this little problem... I am super spoiled and very selfish. I didn't think about him and the stress he was under, just mine. Oh poor me... moving across the world, leaving my family, traveling alone with a 15 month old... He is leaving his family too... and moving just as far... oh and will have to be in the field for weeks at a time. I don't understand why I couldn't take a step back and focus on what was truly important. We get to go and be together. Period.
I'm not mad... I was frustrated for a little while, and even sad. But at the end of the day, it will all be ok and work out the way God wanted it to. At least James gets to go find a house for us now. The only stress Logan and I will have is making it through that flight. If any of you know Logan... he is stubborn, and vocal. He loves to get his way (sounds too familiar) and nothing really will stop him. He doesn't sit for more then a few minutes because now that he has found his feet he is ready to conquer the world. I don't blame him. Usually I have to take a valium or something to calm my nerves while flying, but this time... God will be more than enough to calm my anxiety.
More to write tomorrow... Goodnight to all. And I hope that this coming week will be filled with more laughs than tears. (In my book)
Tonight my thoughts are going to be about leaving. Here it is... 4 days away that we should be leaving the country. Monday we finally got our orders issued... only to find out that they put down Logan and I deferred travel. Which means we can't go with James and we have to wait until June 25th to move there. I really don't know how this happens considering the lady who handles the orders and issues them told James the best choice was to get a 30 day deferrment inorder to travel together. Well... why would they tell him that AND not to mention grant him one only to laugh and say "too bad, so sad." So now, James will have to venture to a new country alone... (And he is perfectly fine doing so, but I know he will be worried about us.) This is where I need to just step up to the plate and make it happen. My husband did his best, and by that I mean calling anyone and everyone, writing emails in the middle of the night since Korea is 14 hours ahead, I mean everyday he was fighting a battle. Not only with all the people that had their hands on our orders, but with me too. I didn't give that man enough credit. He serious would not take No for an answer. Probably because he knew I would be more of a pain to deal with. I have this little problem... I am super spoiled and very selfish. I didn't think about him and the stress he was under, just mine. Oh poor me... moving across the world, leaving my family, traveling alone with a 15 month old... He is leaving his family too... and moving just as far... oh and will have to be in the field for weeks at a time. I don't understand why I couldn't take a step back and focus on what was truly important. We get to go and be together. Period.
I'm not mad... I was frustrated for a little while, and even sad. But at the end of the day, it will all be ok and work out the way God wanted it to. At least James gets to go find a house for us now. The only stress Logan and I will have is making it through that flight. If any of you know Logan... he is stubborn, and vocal. He loves to get his way (sounds too familiar) and nothing really will stop him. He doesn't sit for more then a few minutes because now that he has found his feet he is ready to conquer the world. I don't blame him. Usually I have to take a valium or something to calm my nerves while flying, but this time... God will be more than enough to calm my anxiety.
More to write tomorrow... Goodnight to all. And I hope that this coming week will be filled with more laughs than tears. (In my book)
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I found a way to help change the world... One day at a time!
Ok... I think this is my life's mission. I get so excited when I talk about changing the world :) (And to all the Obama followers... {I am not one}, I don't mean the "Change" he often spoke of) My husband has been into this website he just found... I mean kind of like my attention I give to facebook. Last night he brought me into his circle... Little did I know how that even though he makes fun of me for hugging trees, he secretly does too!! It's http://www.care2.com/ and it is simply amazing! If you follow me... then you should take one step farther (I know I am a little greedy) and check this site out. You get points for searching the web, you get points for blogging, you get points for signing petitions.... Butterfly Points. Then you are wondering what you get to do with your points?? Donate them... plant a tree, rent a mosquito net for a week for a child, send fresh water.... CHANGE THE WORLD people! And for one second... and I am being serious... only ONE second did I think to myself that I hope this site is really holding up to their end of the bargain. But then I stopped mid-thought. I will not sit here and think negatively. I believe in them, and I still believe in people. That there is more good then bad in this world. That site is like a Tree-Huggers Facebook... Pretty cool and if you know me then you would agree that it's right up my alley. On an even better note... Life is good. I hope as you read my blog each night that you will be able to see a change in me. I want to inspire! I have 10 uppercase living expressions that say "INSPIRE" if anyone would like to walk in that path... send me a message on your favorite cause and why it is important to you. Maybe I can help make a difference right beside you! You can put the decal on your walls, car, fridge, bathroom mirror as a daily reminder... Anywhere that might help you to create your path.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt
No matter what your cause is, or how far you feel your dream is... I see beauty in trying your best! Thank you for reading. 13 followers is amazing to me! I never even thought I would get 10...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
I found a way to help change the world... One day at a time!
Ok... I think this is my life's mission. I get so excited when I talk about changing the world :) (And to all the Obama followers... {I am not one}, I don't mean the "Change" he often spoke of) My husband has been into this website he just found... I mean kind of like my attention I give to facebook. Last night he brought me into his circle... Little did I know how that even though he makes fun of me for hugging trees, he secretly does too!! It's http://www.care2.com/ and it is simply amazing! If you follow me... then you should take one step farther (I know I am a little greedy) and check this site out. You get points for searching the web, you get points for blogging, you get points for signing petitions.... Butterfly Points. Then you are wondering what you get to do with your points?? Donate them... plant a tree, rent a mosquito net for a week for a child, send fresh water.... CHANGE THE WORLD people! And for one second... and I am being serious... only ONE second did I think to myself that I hope this site is really holding up to their end of the bargain. But then I stopped mid-thought. I will not sit here and think negatively. I believe in them, and I still believe in people. That there is more good then bad in this world. That site is like a Tree-Huggers Facebook... Pretty cool and if you know me then you would agree that it's right up my alley. On an even better note... Life is good. I hope as you read my blog each night that you will be able to see a change in me. I want to inspire! I have 10 uppercase living expressions that say "INSPIRE" if anyone would like to walk in that path... send me a message on your favorite cause and why it is important to you. Maybe I can help make a difference right beside you! You can put the decal on your walls, car, fridge, bathroom mirror as a daily reminder... Anywhere that might help you to create your path.
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Eleanor Roosevelt
No matter what your cause is, or how far you feel your dream is... I see beauty in trying your best! Thank you for reading. 13 followers is amazing to me! I never even thought I would get 10...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Monday, April 19, 2010
When Life Gives You Lemons... Be Thankful You Got Anything At All!
Sorry to by MIA for a few days! I haven't wanted to bore people and write about the CRAP going on right now... so I just took a few days off. Still no official orders to Korea... which means again they have us hanging on by our seats. Logan is cutting 7 teeth, including his molars (which is a little early for the poor little guy), and had a fever for the FIRST time in his life. He actually cried non-stop all day. Pretty miserable for the whole household. James and I like to wait until the last second to work on our weekly homework... which translates to frustration between the two of us... who gets to watch Logan while the other does their homework first. I missed my two favorite shows in the world Thursday and tonight. The list goes on forever... and the party aLwAyS ends. (That song lies)
Anywho... I enjoyed the rain today. Made me think that God was washing away my yucky mood and my not so fun past couple of days. Tomorrow is a new week and I am ready to tackle the world and write some new exciting blogs. I think tonight's topic should be exercising.
James and I started exercising and eating crazy healthy. When I use the term crazy... I mean one gram of fat per day!!! (Not per meal) Sounds hard, but it isn't too bad. We were going the gym every night and so on. I lost 20 lbs. Woo Hoo!! And then... He started slipping off, which made me not to be a crazy eater by myself... so I joined the bandwagon again! I haven't gained any weight back, BUT I have gotten a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. It was pretty fantastic, BUT I felt like I was fighting a locked up eating disorder. It took everything in me to eat a small one. It was truly a battle. I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to, it hurt my stomach, and made me feel so guilty! I actually like eating healthy. I will go as far to say I like eating crazy healthy. My hubby says he will get back to it tomorrow... which means I will too BUT I don't like the fact that I caved. I am not trying to lose a million pounds, just a few and then remain stable. Exercising is one of those things that if you don't have it in your life you don't feel as if you are missing out on a thing... BUT when you do have it you can't believe you went so long without it. It is actually quite simple to incorporate it into your schedule. I know you are thinking... "yeah, for a stay at home mom" but really there are so many little things. I always park toward the back of parking lots... further for me to walk and Logan to ride. Logan L.O.V.E.S going on walks... So I tell myself it is for him, but it is secretly for me too!
I think I didn't have a great week... because there wasn't much exercise, AND I ate that blizzard. I knew I should have just said no to drugs!! (Drugs = ice cream + no exercise... not the illegal ones)
Ok friends, this is me saying this is a new week~ Make something happen!! :) Goodnight... Tomorrow will be here before your alarm clocks are singing!!!
Anywho... I enjoyed the rain today. Made me think that God was washing away my yucky mood and my not so fun past couple of days. Tomorrow is a new week and I am ready to tackle the world and write some new exciting blogs. I think tonight's topic should be exercising.
James and I started exercising and eating crazy healthy. When I use the term crazy... I mean one gram of fat per day!!! (Not per meal) Sounds hard, but it isn't too bad. We were going the gym every night and so on. I lost 20 lbs. Woo Hoo!! And then... He started slipping off, which made me not to be a crazy eater by myself... so I joined the bandwagon again! I haven't gained any weight back, BUT I have gotten a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. It was pretty fantastic, BUT I felt like I was fighting a locked up eating disorder. It took everything in me to eat a small one. It was truly a battle. I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to, it hurt my stomach, and made me feel so guilty! I actually like eating healthy. I will go as far to say I like eating crazy healthy. My hubby says he will get back to it tomorrow... which means I will too BUT I don't like the fact that I caved. I am not trying to lose a million pounds, just a few and then remain stable. Exercising is one of those things that if you don't have it in your life you don't feel as if you are missing out on a thing... BUT when you do have it you can't believe you went so long without it. It is actually quite simple to incorporate it into your schedule. I know you are thinking... "yeah, for a stay at home mom" but really there are so many little things. I always park toward the back of parking lots... further for me to walk and Logan to ride. Logan L.O.V.E.S going on walks... So I tell myself it is for him, but it is secretly for me too!
I think I didn't have a great week... because there wasn't much exercise, AND I ate that blizzard. I knew I should have just said no to drugs!! (Drugs = ice cream + no exercise... not the illegal ones)
Ok friends, this is me saying this is a new week~ Make something happen!! :) Goodnight... Tomorrow will be here before your alarm clocks are singing!!!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
When Life Gives You Lemons... Be Thankful You Got Anything At All!
Sorry to by MIA for a few days! I haven't wanted to bore people and write about the CRAP going on right now... so I just took a few days off. Still no official orders to Korea... which means again they have us hanging on by our seats. Logan is cutting 7 teeth, including his molars (which is a little early for the poor little guy), and had a fever for the FIRST time in his life. He actually cried non-stop all day. Pretty miserable for the whole household. James and I like to wait until the last second to work on our weekly homework... which translates to frustration between the two of us... who gets to watch Logan while the other does their homework first. I missed my two favorite shows in the world Thursday and tonight. The list goes on forever... and the party aLwAyS ends. (That song lies)
Anywho... I enjoyed the rain today. Made me think that God was washing away my yucky mood and my not so fun past couple of days. Tomorrow is a new week and I am ready to tackle the world and write some new exciting blogs. I think tonight's topic should be exercising.
James and I started exercising and eating crazy healthy. When I use the term crazy... I mean one gram of fat per day!!! (Not per meal) Sounds hard, but it isn't too bad. We were going the gym every night and so on. I lost 20 lbs. Woo Hoo!! And then... He started slipping off, which made me not to be a crazy eater by myself... so I joined the bandwagon again! I haven't gained any weight back, BUT I have gotten a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. It was pretty fantastic, BUT I felt like I was fighting a locked up eating disorder. It took everything in me to eat a small one. It was truly a battle. I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to, it hurt my stomach, and made me feel so guilty! I actually like eating healthy. I will go as far to say I like eating crazy healthy. My hubby says he will get back to it tomorrow... which means I will too BUT I don't like the fact that I caved. I am not trying to lose a million pounds, just a few and then remain stable. Exercising is one of those things that if you don't have it in your life you don't feel as if you are missing out on a thing... BUT when you do have it you can't believe you went so long without it. It is actually quite simple to incorporate it into your schedule. I know you are thinking... "yeah, for a stay at home mom" but really there are so many little things. I always park toward the back of parking lots... further for me to walk and Logan to ride. Logan L.O.V.E.S going on walks... So I tell myself it is for him, but it is secretly for me too!
I think I didn't have a great week... because there wasn't much exercise, AND I ate that blizzard. I knew I should have just said no to drugs!! (Drugs = ice cream + no exercise... not the illegal ones)
Ok friends, this is me saying this is a new week~ Make something happen!! :) Goodnight... Tomorrow will be here before your alarm clocks are singing!!!
Anywho... I enjoyed the rain today. Made me think that God was washing away my yucky mood and my not so fun past couple of days. Tomorrow is a new week and I am ready to tackle the world and write some new exciting blogs. I think tonight's topic should be exercising.
James and I started exercising and eating crazy healthy. When I use the term crazy... I mean one gram of fat per day!!! (Not per meal) Sounds hard, but it isn't too bad. We were going the gym every night and so on. I lost 20 lbs. Woo Hoo!! And then... He started slipping off, which made me not to be a crazy eater by myself... so I joined the bandwagon again! I haven't gained any weight back, BUT I have gotten a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. It was pretty fantastic, BUT I felt like I was fighting a locked up eating disorder. It took everything in me to eat a small one. It was truly a battle. I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to, it hurt my stomach, and made me feel so guilty! I actually like eating healthy. I will go as far to say I like eating crazy healthy. My hubby says he will get back to it tomorrow... which means I will too BUT I don't like the fact that I caved. I am not trying to lose a million pounds, just a few and then remain stable. Exercising is one of those things that if you don't have it in your life you don't feel as if you are missing out on a thing... BUT when you do have it you can't believe you went so long without it. It is actually quite simple to incorporate it into your schedule. I know you are thinking... "yeah, for a stay at home mom" but really there are so many little things. I always park toward the back of parking lots... further for me to walk and Logan to ride. Logan L.O.V.E.S going on walks... So I tell myself it is for him, but it is secretly for me too!
I think I didn't have a great week... because there wasn't much exercise, AND I ate that blizzard. I knew I should have just said no to drugs!! (Drugs = ice cream + no exercise... not the illegal ones)
Ok friends, this is me saying this is a new week~ Make something happen!! :) Goodnight... Tomorrow will be here before your alarm clocks are singing!!!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Freedom of Speech... That's me!
I know you all could guess what I was going to write about tonight. Truthfully I wanted so bad to write about something fun and uplifting... but my insides are shaking... and there are no earthquakes in Texas.
I can not believe this whole ordeal about that so called church (which makes me cringe to even refer to it as that) is getting away with. Protesting at funerals of fallen soldiers? It's a right they are entitled to? Seriously? This might be a long post... so let me just say now that you have officially been warned. I want to be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight, and be doing so... I need to vent some anger and hurt feelings.
First off... I want to say where the heck is child protective services? These people are bringing their children to these types of protests. Not only that, but they are using slander along with other hateful acts. They children videoed are all wearing shirts that say "God hates you." So this is a safe environment for children to grow up in? What about angry people who retaliate against this group? Read their stats. The church as already been bombed. I would like to venture out and say that sounds to me like a very dangerous situation for children. Not to mention that they are being brainwashed to instill hate upon others, and justifying it as an act of God. Maybe I should call and voice my concern. If you know me... I will call. If there is one thing in life that I stand for it is NOT endangering a child. If I see a baby in the car without a car seat... I write the license plate down and give the police a little ring-a-ding. A parent is a child's only advocate... and if they aren't responsible enough to fill that role, I will for them.
Second case of business... Freedom of speech. Not likely. I think this is the sorriest excuse for bending the law. My husband defends this country in order for you and me to have this right... and guess what... He, as a soldier is not entitled to his... Did you know that? Thankfully I am his wife and I will voice mine. :) These amendments were written a very very long time ago when acts like these didn't take place! So why is it now that something can't be done to make a new one? I would gladly step up to the plate and write a rough draft or two. There are lines that need to be drawn, and an example needs to be made. America will NOT tolerate this type of hateful behavior anymore. This group was quoted saying "Thank God for 9-11" and made cartoons about this tragic event. In my opinion this is just as bad at a terriost attack. They are attacking our nation, they are setting horrible examples of America and Christians. They are hurting peoples lives... and disrespecting so many things that this country was built on. We went to their website tonight and they have a schedule of their upcoming protests. I saw a high school on there that is VERY close to my little brothers house. Let me tell you... I was alomst on a plane! Protesting at a high school... again should be illegal. I am trying not to get fired up again...
Taking a moment to recollect :)
Ok... back on my mission... So where do I start? Who do I write? How do I make a change? I know that I am not the only person out there feeling this way... I know that there are probably many people writing letters... I want to go to bed at night knowing I did all I could to help the Snyder family win their case. I want to help make a difference in this terrible world of hate! I want to show then the correct way of voicing your "Freedom of Speech" and being a Christian. I want Logan to grow up without hate in his heart... and I want those children to do the same. Fallen Soldiers deserve to be laid down to rest... peacefully. And their families (as I mentioned before... the one's who are left to wait) should get the same respect.
Tonight... I'm going to Pray. I am going to ask God for the strength I need to let my anger out. I am going to Pray for those horrible people who have been mislead... And I am going to Pray for all the people who read this... because I have already made the first step in the right direction. I have shared with you this story. The rest... is God's will.
I hope tomorrow the sunshines bright for everyone. Even the people with shields of hate over their eyes... maybe a ray of sun will shine through to them. Goodnight my friends...
I can not believe this whole ordeal about that so called church (which makes me cringe to even refer to it as that) is getting away with. Protesting at funerals of fallen soldiers? It's a right they are entitled to? Seriously? This might be a long post... so let me just say now that you have officially been warned. I want to be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight, and be doing so... I need to vent some anger and hurt feelings.
First off... I want to say where the heck is child protective services? These people are bringing their children to these types of protests. Not only that, but they are using slander along with other hateful acts. They children videoed are all wearing shirts that say "God hates you." So this is a safe environment for children to grow up in? What about angry people who retaliate against this group? Read their stats. The church as already been bombed. I would like to venture out and say that sounds to me like a very dangerous situation for children. Not to mention that they are being brainwashed to instill hate upon others, and justifying it as an act of God. Maybe I should call and voice my concern. If you know me... I will call. If there is one thing in life that I stand for it is NOT endangering a child. If I see a baby in the car without a car seat... I write the license plate down and give the police a little ring-a-ding. A parent is a child's only advocate... and if they aren't responsible enough to fill that role, I will for them.
Second case of business... Freedom of speech. Not likely. I think this is the sorriest excuse for bending the law. My husband defends this country in order for you and me to have this right... and guess what... He, as a soldier is not entitled to his... Did you know that? Thankfully I am his wife and I will voice mine. :) These amendments were written a very very long time ago when acts like these didn't take place! So why is it now that something can't be done to make a new one? I would gladly step up to the plate and write a rough draft or two. There are lines that need to be drawn, and an example needs to be made. America will NOT tolerate this type of hateful behavior anymore. This group was quoted saying "Thank God for 9-11" and made cartoons about this tragic event. In my opinion this is just as bad at a terriost attack. They are attacking our nation, they are setting horrible examples of America and Christians. They are hurting peoples lives... and disrespecting so many things that this country was built on. We went to their website tonight and they have a schedule of their upcoming protests. I saw a high school on there that is VERY close to my little brothers house. Let me tell you... I was alomst on a plane! Protesting at a high school... again should be illegal. I am trying not to get fired up again...
Taking a moment to recollect :)
Ok... back on my mission... So where do I start? Who do I write? How do I make a change? I know that I am not the only person out there feeling this way... I know that there are probably many people writing letters... I want to go to bed at night knowing I did all I could to help the Snyder family win their case. I want to help make a difference in this terrible world of hate! I want to show then the correct way of voicing your "Freedom of Speech" and being a Christian. I want Logan to grow up without hate in his heart... and I want those children to do the same. Fallen Soldiers deserve to be laid down to rest... peacefully. And their families (as I mentioned before... the one's who are left to wait) should get the same respect.
Tonight... I'm going to Pray. I am going to ask God for the strength I need to let my anger out. I am going to Pray for those horrible people who have been mislead... And I am going to Pray for all the people who read this... because I have already made the first step in the right direction. I have shared with you this story. The rest... is God's will.
I hope tomorrow the sunshines bright for everyone. Even the people with shields of hate over their eyes... maybe a ray of sun will shine through to them. Goodnight my friends...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Freedom of Speech... That's me!
I know you all could guess what I was going to write about tonight. Truthfully I wanted so bad to write about something fun and uplifting... but my insides are shaking... and there are no earthquakes in Texas.
I can not believe this whole ordeal about that so called church (which makes me cringe to even refer to it as that) is getting away with. Protesting at funerals of fallen soldiers? It's a right they are entitled to? Seriously? This might be a long post... so let me just say now that you have officially been warned. I want to be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight, and be doing so... I need to vent some anger and hurt feelings.
First off... I want to say where the heck is child protective services? These people are bringing their children to these types of protests. Not only that, but they are using slander along with other hateful acts. They children videoed are all wearing shirts that say "God hates you." So this is a safe environment for children to grow up in? What about angry people who retaliate against this group? Read their stats. The church as already been bombed. I would like to venture out and say that sounds to me like a very dangerous situation for children. Not to mention that they are being brainwashed to instill hate upon others, and justifying it as an act of God. Maybe I should call and voice my concern. If you know me... I will call. If there is one thing in life that I stand for it is NOT endangering a child. If I see a baby in the car without a car seat... I write the license plate down and give the police a little ring-a-ding. A parent is a child's only advocate... and if they aren't responsible enough to fill that role, I will for them.
Second case of business... Freedom of speech. Not likely. I think this is the sorriest excuse for bending the law. My husband defends this country in order for you and me to have this right... and guess what... He, as a soldier is not entitled to his... Did you know that? Thankfully I am his wife and I will voice mine. :) These amendments were written a very very long time ago when acts like these didn't take place! So why is it now that something can't be done to make a new one? I would gladly step up to the plate and write a rough draft or two. There are lines that need to be drawn, and an example needs to be made. America will NOT tolerate this type of hateful behavior anymore. This group was quoted saying "Thank God for 9-11" and made cartoons about this tragic event. In my opinion this is just as bad at a terriost attack. They are attacking our nation, they are setting horrible examples of America and Christians. They are hurting peoples lives... and disrespecting so many things that this country was built on. We went to their website tonight and they have a schedule of their upcoming protests. I saw a high school on there that is VERY close to my little brothers house. Let me tell you... I was alomst on a plane! Protesting at a high school... again should be illegal. I am trying not to get fired up again...
Taking a moment to recollect :)
Ok... back on my mission... So where do I start? Who do I write? How do I make a change? I know that I am not the only person out there feeling this way... I know that there are probably many people writing letters... I want to go to bed at night knowing I did all I could to help the Snyder family win their case. I want to help make a difference in this terrible world of hate! I want to show then the correct way of voicing your "Freedom of Speech" and being a Christian. I want Logan to grow up without hate in his heart... and I want those children to do the same. Fallen Soldiers deserve to be laid down to rest... peacefully. And their families (as I mentioned before... the one's who are left to wait) should get the same respect.
Tonight... I'm going to Pray. I am going to ask God for the strength I need to let my anger out. I am going to Pray for those horrible people who have been mislead... And I am going to Pray for all the people who read this... because I have already made the first step in the right direction. I have shared with you this story. The rest... is God's will.
I hope tomorrow the sunshines bright for everyone. Even the people with shields of hate over their eyes... maybe a ray of sun will shine through to them. Goodnight my friends...
I can not believe this whole ordeal about that so called church (which makes me cringe to even refer to it as that) is getting away with. Protesting at funerals of fallen soldiers? It's a right they are entitled to? Seriously? This might be a long post... so let me just say now that you have officially been warned. I want to be able to get a few hours of sleep tonight, and be doing so... I need to vent some anger and hurt feelings.
First off... I want to say where the heck is child protective services? These people are bringing their children to these types of protests. Not only that, but they are using slander along with other hateful acts. They children videoed are all wearing shirts that say "God hates you." So this is a safe environment for children to grow up in? What about angry people who retaliate against this group? Read their stats. The church as already been bombed. I would like to venture out and say that sounds to me like a very dangerous situation for children. Not to mention that they are being brainwashed to instill hate upon others, and justifying it as an act of God. Maybe I should call and voice my concern. If you know me... I will call. If there is one thing in life that I stand for it is NOT endangering a child. If I see a baby in the car without a car seat... I write the license plate down and give the police a little ring-a-ding. A parent is a child's only advocate... and if they aren't responsible enough to fill that role, I will for them.
Second case of business... Freedom of speech. Not likely. I think this is the sorriest excuse for bending the law. My husband defends this country in order for you and me to have this right... and guess what... He, as a soldier is not entitled to his... Did you know that? Thankfully I am his wife and I will voice mine. :) These amendments were written a very very long time ago when acts like these didn't take place! So why is it now that something can't be done to make a new one? I would gladly step up to the plate and write a rough draft or two. There are lines that need to be drawn, and an example needs to be made. America will NOT tolerate this type of hateful behavior anymore. This group was quoted saying "Thank God for 9-11" and made cartoons about this tragic event. In my opinion this is just as bad at a terriost attack. They are attacking our nation, they are setting horrible examples of America and Christians. They are hurting peoples lives... and disrespecting so many things that this country was built on. We went to their website tonight and they have a schedule of their upcoming protests. I saw a high school on there that is VERY close to my little brothers house. Let me tell you... I was alomst on a plane! Protesting at a high school... again should be illegal. I am trying not to get fired up again...
Taking a moment to recollect :)
Ok... back on my mission... So where do I start? Who do I write? How do I make a change? I know that I am not the only person out there feeling this way... I know that there are probably many people writing letters... I want to go to bed at night knowing I did all I could to help the Snyder family win their case. I want to help make a difference in this terrible world of hate! I want to show then the correct way of voicing your "Freedom of Speech" and being a Christian. I want Logan to grow up without hate in his heart... and I want those children to do the same. Fallen Soldiers deserve to be laid down to rest... peacefully. And their families (as I mentioned before... the one's who are left to wait) should get the same respect.
Tonight... I'm going to Pray. I am going to ask God for the strength I need to let my anger out. I am going to Pray for those horrible people who have been mislead... And I am going to Pray for all the people who read this... because I have already made the first step in the right direction. I have shared with you this story. The rest... is God's will.
I hope tomorrow the sunshines bright for everyone. Even the people with shields of hate over their eyes... maybe a ray of sun will shine through to them. Goodnight my friends...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
To bring, or not to bring... that is the question!
I am soooo exhausted!! This evening James and I went and tackled our storage. We needed to sort everything into two piles, that way when they come to get our stuff for Korea it would be ready. I, of course, want to bring everything!! I would rather be safe than sorry! Today I actually was able to part with a lot of things that I first had insisted on bringing. All my favorite dust collectors... are staying. I didn't know how much my willowtree figures and collection of glass hearts meant to me until I had to say bye for the nest two years. I decided I am going to do one more craft show before we leave and all my hand-painted original paintings are going to be sold at a pretty cheap price. I just don't think people are in the markey for handmade things anymore. You truly don't get paid for your time, but at least I can pass on a part of me to someone who buys my art. You don't know how much you hold on to until you are moving... Makes me feel like I have hoarder tendencies... haha. (Ok not that extreme) I didn't realize when we were moving out of our other house in july that I needed to keep a dollarstore mop and two dog food scoops! We did decide to bring a few decorations for christmas, and the rest of the holidays will be left in storage. My biggest fear is Logan missing out on tradition... but I guess we will just make the best out of it, and if need be... My mom can dress up like the Easter bunny and make a surprise visit! :) I think it will all work out.
The pictures I have been seeing on people's facebook are pretty exciting. They have an Outback Steak House... interesting! :) They also have this asian-ized walmart called Lotte Mart. It is 3 or 4 stories high, and you can do your regular shopping there, huge bags of rice, rice cookers, toys, Asian beer, your typical things :) It has flat escalators so you can bring your cart up with you to the next level. Pretty smart thinkin' if you ask me! I will be posting so many pictures. I have met some really nice wives over there thanks to facebook. Makes me feel better about going over there if I know I will be able to make some new friends... and Logan too. The countdown begins again... this time... is it.
This week is filled with doctor appointments for Logan and I. Also homework (on top of everything I started 3 more classes-what I was thinking... I don't know) and buying a few things people have recommended I bring since it isn't at the PX. We got a Magic Jack, so we will actually have a local texas number... so if anyone wants to call you can :) Just remember there is a 14 hour time difference! lol
I'm going to snuggle with my sleeping soldier! Good night to all... Tomorrow should be Thankful Tuesday... everyone can post something they are thankful for on here or facebook!
The pictures I have been seeing on people's facebook are pretty exciting. They have an Outback Steak House... interesting! :) They also have this asian-ized walmart called Lotte Mart. It is 3 or 4 stories high, and you can do your regular shopping there, huge bags of rice, rice cookers, toys, Asian beer, your typical things :) It has flat escalators so you can bring your cart up with you to the next level. Pretty smart thinkin' if you ask me! I will be posting so many pictures. I have met some really nice wives over there thanks to facebook. Makes me feel better about going over there if I know I will be able to make some new friends... and Logan too. The countdown begins again... this time... is it.
This week is filled with doctor appointments for Logan and I. Also homework (on top of everything I started 3 more classes-what I was thinking... I don't know) and buying a few things people have recommended I bring since it isn't at the PX. We got a Magic Jack, so we will actually have a local texas number... so if anyone wants to call you can :) Just remember there is a 14 hour time difference! lol
I'm going to snuggle with my sleeping soldier! Good night to all... Tomorrow should be Thankful Tuesday... everyone can post something they are thankful for on here or facebook!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
To bring, or not to bring... that is the question!
I am soooo exhausted!! This evening James and I went and tackled our storage. We needed to sort everything into two piles, that way when they come to get our stuff for Korea it would be ready. I, of course, want to bring everything!! I would rather be safe than sorry! Today I actually was able to part with a lot of things that I first had insisted on bringing. All my favorite dust collectors... are staying. I didn't know how much my willowtree figures and collection of glass hearts meant to me until I had to say bye for the nest two years. I decided I am going to do one more craft show before we leave and all my hand-painted original paintings are going to be sold at a pretty cheap price. I just don't think people are in the markey for handmade things anymore. You truly don't get paid for your time, but at least I can pass on a part of me to someone who buys my art. You don't know how much you hold on to until you are moving... Makes me feel like I have hoarder tendencies... haha. (Ok not that extreme) I didn't realize when we were moving out of our other house in july that I needed to keep a dollarstore mop and two dog food scoops! We did decide to bring a few decorations for christmas, and the rest of the holidays will be left in storage. My biggest fear is Logan missing out on tradition... but I guess we will just make the best out of it, and if need be... My mom can dress up like the Easter bunny and make a surprise visit! :) I think it will all work out.
The pictures I have been seeing on people's facebook are pretty exciting. They have an Outback Steak House... interesting! :) They also have this asian-ized walmart called Lotte Mart. It is 3 or 4 stories high, and you can do your regular shopping there, huge bags of rice, rice cookers, toys, Asian beer, your typical things :) It has flat escalators so you can bring your cart up with you to the next level. Pretty smart thinkin' if you ask me! I will be posting so many pictures. I have met some really nice wives over there thanks to facebook. Makes me feel better about going over there if I know I will be able to make some new friends... and Logan too. The countdown begins again... this time... is it.
This week is filled with doctor appointments for Logan and I. Also homework (on top of everything I started 3 more classes-what I was thinking... I don't know) and buying a few things people have recommended I bring since it isn't at the PX. We got a Magic Jack, so we will actually have a local texas number... so if anyone wants to call you can :) Just remember there is a 14 hour time difference! lol
I'm going to snuggle with my sleeping soldier! Good night to all... Tomorrow should be Thankful Tuesday... everyone can post something they are thankful for on here or facebook!
The pictures I have been seeing on people's facebook are pretty exciting. They have an Outback Steak House... interesting! :) They also have this asian-ized walmart called Lotte Mart. It is 3 or 4 stories high, and you can do your regular shopping there, huge bags of rice, rice cookers, toys, Asian beer, your typical things :) It has flat escalators so you can bring your cart up with you to the next level. Pretty smart thinkin' if you ask me! I will be posting so many pictures. I have met some really nice wives over there thanks to facebook. Makes me feel better about going over there if I know I will be able to make some new friends... and Logan too. The countdown begins again... this time... is it.
This week is filled with doctor appointments for Logan and I. Also homework (on top of everything I started 3 more classes-what I was thinking... I don't know) and buying a few things people have recommended I bring since it isn't at the PX. We got a Magic Jack, so we will actually have a local texas number... so if anyone wants to call you can :) Just remember there is a 14 hour time difference! lol
I'm going to snuggle with my sleeping soldier! Good night to all... Tomorrow should be Thankful Tuesday... everyone can post something they are thankful for on here or facebook!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Monday, April 12, 2010
A little PINK in a world of camo...
I am on the verge of tears as I write tonight... For so many different reasons. First, one of my friends has been patiently waiting along with her two year old... for her hubby to come home from his recent deployment. This make my heart want to cry with joy. I am so thankful that her soldier is safely on his journey home.
Second, I just started following a Marine Wife's blog... I saw a friend of mine following her and her blog title caught my eye so I started reading... March 14 she was writing about counting down the days until her hubby was home from his recent deployment. She recently had also given birth to their new baby girl. Then 3 days later her next blog crushed me... He would never make it home the way she imagined he would. I just sat here in disbelief. James read most of the story with me. My stomach was in my throat. Her strength was... amazing. Her words... were breath taking. I don't know her, but yesterday I mourned with her. Her husband is a hero. And through her and his new baby girl... his story will live on.
I read about stories everyday. I just want to hold my soldier a little bit closer tonight. The things in this world that drive me crazy, make me mad, make me cuss, or even make me want to stomp my feet are NOT worth it. Do you hear me?? People are fighting for our country... leaving their families behind to stand up for what they believe in. To keep our land of the free... just that... FREE. And they aren't coming back to the families waiting for them. I think someone in front of me taking too long at the grocery store, is nothing to be upset about. Someone who cut you off while driving... isn't worth cussing over. Friends that make fun of your marriage and child... Are NOT worth my sadness.
Seriously... If you only listened to these soldiers stories. We should all stop judging, because what they have seen is way more then your mind could ever imagine. I feel so guilty right now for getting mad at James for doing the tiniest things that have nothing to do with anything. I am tried of not treating him like the HERO he is. And yet someone who hits a ball with a bat, or puts a ball in the hole, or a FAKE soldier plays a role as a real one... makes more money then they do, without making a sacrifice.
It isn't until today that I realized how wrong I was one day in the very beginning of James and I's relationship. We were talking about Susan Sarandon... and the famous comments heard around the world about soldiers... I can't believe I defended her against my own husband!
Yes, to everyone that doesn't understand my/our decision about going to Korea. The country is divided into 3 areas. Area One being the safest... Area Two safe but not as safe... And Area Three being the closest to the North Korea border. We will be living in Area Three. I believe that our family should remain together as long as we can. I don't think they would allow families to go over there if they didn't think it was safe. I know a lot of people doubt our decision, but I finally feel in my heart that we couldn't have made a better one. As an Army family ... Home is with my soldier. Thank you for everyone that serves our country. I am truly blessed to be an Army wife. God gave me one of the hardest jobs, because he knew I could take it! :)
It's a new week, and a new day. Be thankful for the breaths you are given and try to be a little more patient.
P.S. Army Wives is back on! Boy have I missed you!!
Second, I just started following a Marine Wife's blog... I saw a friend of mine following her and her blog title caught my eye so I started reading... March 14 she was writing about counting down the days until her hubby was home from his recent deployment. She recently had also given birth to their new baby girl. Then 3 days later her next blog crushed me... He would never make it home the way she imagined he would. I just sat here in disbelief. James read most of the story with me. My stomach was in my throat. Her strength was... amazing. Her words... were breath taking. I don't know her, but yesterday I mourned with her. Her husband is a hero. And through her and his new baby girl... his story will live on.
I read about stories everyday. I just want to hold my soldier a little bit closer tonight. The things in this world that drive me crazy, make me mad, make me cuss, or even make me want to stomp my feet are NOT worth it. Do you hear me?? People are fighting for our country... leaving their families behind to stand up for what they believe in. To keep our land of the free... just that... FREE. And they aren't coming back to the families waiting for them. I think someone in front of me taking too long at the grocery store, is nothing to be upset about. Someone who cut you off while driving... isn't worth cussing over. Friends that make fun of your marriage and child... Are NOT worth my sadness.
Seriously... If you only listened to these soldiers stories. We should all stop judging, because what they have seen is way more then your mind could ever imagine. I feel so guilty right now for getting mad at James for doing the tiniest things that have nothing to do with anything. I am tried of not treating him like the HERO he is. And yet someone who hits a ball with a bat, or puts a ball in the hole, or a FAKE soldier plays a role as a real one... makes more money then they do, without making a sacrifice.
It isn't until today that I realized how wrong I was one day in the very beginning of James and I's relationship. We were talking about Susan Sarandon... and the famous comments heard around the world about soldiers... I can't believe I defended her against my own husband!
Yes, to everyone that doesn't understand my/our decision about going to Korea. The country is divided into 3 areas. Area One being the safest... Area Two safe but not as safe... And Area Three being the closest to the North Korea border. We will be living in Area Three. I believe that our family should remain together as long as we can. I don't think they would allow families to go over there if they didn't think it was safe. I know a lot of people doubt our decision, but I finally feel in my heart that we couldn't have made a better one. As an Army family ... Home is with my soldier. Thank you for everyone that serves our country. I am truly blessed to be an Army wife. God gave me one of the hardest jobs, because he knew I could take it! :)
It's a new week, and a new day. Be thankful for the breaths you are given and try to be a little more patient.
P.S. Army Wives is back on! Boy have I missed you!!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
A little PINK in a world of camo...
I am on the verge of tears as I write tonight... For so many different reasons. First, one of my friends has been patiently waiting along with her two year old... for her hubby to come home from his recent deployment. This make my heart want to cry with joy. I am so thankful that her soldier is safely on his journey home.
Second, I just started following a Marine Wife's blog... I saw a friend of mine following her and her blog title caught my eye so I started reading... March 14 she was writing about counting down the days until her hubby was home from his recent deployment. She recently had also given birth to their new baby girl. Then 3 days later her next blog crushed me... He would never make it home the way she imagined he would. I just sat here in disbelief. James read most of the story with me. My stomach was in my throat. Her strength was... amazing. Her words... were breath taking. I don't know her, but yesterday I mourned with her. Her husband is a hero. And through her and his new baby girl... his story will live on.
I read about stories everyday. I just want to hold my soldier a little bit closer tonight. The things in this world that drive me crazy, make me mad, make me cuss, or even make me want to stomp my feet are NOT worth it. Do you hear me?? People are fighting for our country... leaving their families behind to stand up for what they believe in. To keep our land of the free... just that... FREE. And they aren't coming back to the families waiting for them. I think someone in front of me taking too long at the grocery store, is nothing to be upset about. Someone who cut you off while driving... isn't worth cussing over. Friends that make fun of your marriage and child... Are NOT worth my sadness.
Seriously... If you only listened to these soldiers stories. We should all stop judging, because what they have seen is way more then your mind could ever imagine. I feel so guilty right now for getting mad at James for doing the tiniest things that have nothing to do with anything. I am tried of not treating him like the HERO he is. And yet someone who hits a ball with a bat, or puts a ball in the hole, or a FAKE soldier plays a role as a real one... makes more money then they do, without making a sacrifice.
It isn't until today that I realized how wrong I was one day in the very beginning of James and I's relationship. We were talking about Susan Sarandon... and the famous comments heard around the world about soldiers... I can't believe I defended her against my own husband!
Yes, to everyone that doesn't understand my/our decision about going to Korea. The country is divided into 3 areas. Area One being the safest... Area Two safe but not as safe... And Area Three being the closest to the North Korea border. We will be living in Area Three. I believe that our family should remain together as long as we can. I don't think they would allow families to go over there if they didn't think it was safe. I know a lot of people doubt our decision, but I finally feel in my heart that we couldn't have made a better one. As an Army family ... Home is with my soldier. Thank you for everyone that serves our country. I am truly blessed to be an Army wife. God gave me one of the hardest jobs, because he knew I could take it! :)
It's a new week, and a new day. Be thankful for the breaths you are given and try to be a little more patient.
P.S. Army Wives is back on! Boy have I missed you!!
Second, I just started following a Marine Wife's blog... I saw a friend of mine following her and her blog title caught my eye so I started reading... March 14 she was writing about counting down the days until her hubby was home from his recent deployment. She recently had also given birth to their new baby girl. Then 3 days later her next blog crushed me... He would never make it home the way she imagined he would. I just sat here in disbelief. James read most of the story with me. My stomach was in my throat. Her strength was... amazing. Her words... were breath taking. I don't know her, but yesterday I mourned with her. Her husband is a hero. And through her and his new baby girl... his story will live on.
I read about stories everyday. I just want to hold my soldier a little bit closer tonight. The things in this world that drive me crazy, make me mad, make me cuss, or even make me want to stomp my feet are NOT worth it. Do you hear me?? People are fighting for our country... leaving their families behind to stand up for what they believe in. To keep our land of the free... just that... FREE. And they aren't coming back to the families waiting for them. I think someone in front of me taking too long at the grocery store, is nothing to be upset about. Someone who cut you off while driving... isn't worth cussing over. Friends that make fun of your marriage and child... Are NOT worth my sadness.
Seriously... If you only listened to these soldiers stories. We should all stop judging, because what they have seen is way more then your mind could ever imagine. I feel so guilty right now for getting mad at James for doing the tiniest things that have nothing to do with anything. I am tried of not treating him like the HERO he is. And yet someone who hits a ball with a bat, or puts a ball in the hole, or a FAKE soldier plays a role as a real one... makes more money then they do, without making a sacrifice.
It isn't until today that I realized how wrong I was one day in the very beginning of James and I's relationship. We were talking about Susan Sarandon... and the famous comments heard around the world about soldiers... I can't believe I defended her against my own husband!
Yes, to everyone that doesn't understand my/our decision about going to Korea. The country is divided into 3 areas. Area One being the safest... Area Two safe but not as safe... And Area Three being the closest to the North Korea border. We will be living in Area Three. I believe that our family should remain together as long as we can. I don't think they would allow families to go over there if they didn't think it was safe. I know a lot of people doubt our decision, but I finally feel in my heart that we couldn't have made a better one. As an Army family ... Home is with my soldier. Thank you for everyone that serves our country. I am truly blessed to be an Army wife. God gave me one of the hardest jobs, because he knew I could take it! :)
It's a new week, and a new day. Be thankful for the breaths you are given and try to be a little more patient.
P.S. Army Wives is back on! Boy have I missed you!!
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Leaving Your Footprints
I think I really should start sleeping more often! My day starts off pretty early every morning, and I don't get any sleep in between. I think my gas tank might be running a little low tonight (well it's 3:30 in the morning). I didn't want to leave my readers hanging! The topic yesterday was deep and sincere. It was about my personal struggle for strength. Today, I want to write about my personal fight to leave behind footprints that can be viewed as kindness.
I want to change that world. Period. And if I can't do it, then I hope I can enstill the want in Logan (and maybe other sessions babies.... much later). A kind heart in my eyes is change. So many people are going into survival mode due to economical hardships, and that scares me. All the hate in this world, you wouldn't think that just ONE kind heart would take the hatred away... but it is a start. I want to raise Logan in an environment where there is an open door policy during holidays. When I was working at Country Place Pharmacy (You will hear me refer to it several times because my boss Christina, changed my life) we serviced all the eldery people living in the retirement community that was located behind us. We had customers of all ages, but the ones that stood out of the crowd were the ones with the kind smiles. The situations Christina and I were put in sometimes were CRAZY. I mean we laughed, we cried, we raised money for two of the residents that lost their entire house to a fire. Christina and I actually stood outside in disbelief as we watched their house burn to the ground. We saw spouses grieve when they lost the only love of their life. We met family members that always said "Wow, for only being a pharmacy my mom/dad sure does talk about you like you're one of the family." The reason behind all of this... we were kind and we genuinely cared for them. One time a customer had just gotten home from surgery and she couldn't get the cap off her ice pack... Christina let me drive all the way over there to unscrew it. There was this one sweet little old lady... man did I love her. She would keep me at her house for hours if I let her, telling me everything about anything. She had family, but not ones with an open ear and a patient heart. She ended up moving out to webster into an assisted living community. Sure enough I drove her prescriptions all the way out there. I even helped her unpack. She was such a sweet soul. On friday's they had family lunch there and she knew Friday was my day off. She told me for being so sweet she bought me a meal ticket so I could eat with her. Creamed corn along with other mushy, barely edible items had never tasted so good then in that moment. She was glowing, she because she had a friend.
I know you're all dying to hear some of the crazy stories before I make you run out and adopt a grandparent. :) This one whipper snapper... man was she a handful! She always kissed us on the lips, while trying to remember our names! One time she brought a fecal sample up in a zip lock bag... wanting to know if something was wrong with her. That was the type of person Christina was... everyone thought of her as the first person to come to for anything! Even poop! lol (It's funny to me) I would make a delievery to her house and she would tell me about her stories. She married once, the love of her life... and then they had a son, the second love of her life. Both died VERY young of cancer. She never remarried. Then she moves on to offering me a glass of whiskey. I was always on the job, so I sweetly declined. (If whiskey makes you that fiesty, and live that long... sign me up!) I use to go on my days off to iron her shorts... yes, I said shorts. It was the highlight of my day. She didn't even notice I couldn't iron! Haha
Ok another one... I was on another delievery... And this lady (again little old lady, but not very sweet at all) said her home healthcare nurse was running late and her back hurt really bad. She asked if I could rub a little BENGAY on it for her. I paused... due to being frightened and confused... and regretfully accepted. She turned around and faced the couch... only to drop her pants. I closed my eyes and said "oh no no no no... I certainly can't do that, but your nurse will be here shortly." Man that was a mess...
Moral of my story... Each one changed my life. No matter what my day was like, or how hard Christina was working me (yeah right) they always put smiles on our faces. Bet you didn't know that you could get your prescriptions filled and adopt a new family member all at the same time!
Get out... and make a difference people. Our children are growing up in a world of hate. I can't tell you how many status' on facebook said they wouldn't donate to the people in Haiti because people need just as much help here in America. Let me ask you this though... did you donate that $10 to someone else here in America? Probably not. And if you did, then I am sorry for being sarcastic!
The best quote is a line from Logan's favorite movie "A person's a person, no matter how small."
I have been under the bridges in downtown to feed the homeless, I have donated money every year to at least 4 different charities. Stopped at a red light and saw a homeless girl freezing so I gave her my new jacket off my back... (I don't give money though, Sorry!) I have sponsored a child from Africa with Aids for a year. I volunteered at the Epilespy Summer Camp despensing all the kids medications while being pregnant... It is easy to show someone else you care. Be the chnage you want to see in the world.
Ok, I am off my soapbox... you are only safe until tomorrow!
P.s. I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who have been reading my blogs. I didn't think that many people wanted to hear my story. Thank you. It is amazing...
I want to change that world. Period. And if I can't do it, then I hope I can enstill the want in Logan (and maybe other sessions babies.... much later). A kind heart in my eyes is change. So many people are going into survival mode due to economical hardships, and that scares me. All the hate in this world, you wouldn't think that just ONE kind heart would take the hatred away... but it is a start. I want to raise Logan in an environment where there is an open door policy during holidays. When I was working at Country Place Pharmacy (You will hear me refer to it several times because my boss Christina, changed my life) we serviced all the eldery people living in the retirement community that was located behind us. We had customers of all ages, but the ones that stood out of the crowd were the ones with the kind smiles. The situations Christina and I were put in sometimes were CRAZY. I mean we laughed, we cried, we raised money for two of the residents that lost their entire house to a fire. Christina and I actually stood outside in disbelief as we watched their house burn to the ground. We saw spouses grieve when they lost the only love of their life. We met family members that always said "Wow, for only being a pharmacy my mom/dad sure does talk about you like you're one of the family." The reason behind all of this... we were kind and we genuinely cared for them. One time a customer had just gotten home from surgery and she couldn't get the cap off her ice pack... Christina let me drive all the way over there to unscrew it. There was this one sweet little old lady... man did I love her. She would keep me at her house for hours if I let her, telling me everything about anything. She had family, but not ones with an open ear and a patient heart. She ended up moving out to webster into an assisted living community. Sure enough I drove her prescriptions all the way out there. I even helped her unpack. She was such a sweet soul. On friday's they had family lunch there and she knew Friday was my day off. She told me for being so sweet she bought me a meal ticket so I could eat with her. Creamed corn along with other mushy, barely edible items had never tasted so good then in that moment. She was glowing, she because she had a friend.
I know you're all dying to hear some of the crazy stories before I make you run out and adopt a grandparent. :) This one whipper snapper... man was she a handful! She always kissed us on the lips, while trying to remember our names! One time she brought a fecal sample up in a zip lock bag... wanting to know if something was wrong with her. That was the type of person Christina was... everyone thought of her as the first person to come to for anything! Even poop! lol (It's funny to me) I would make a delievery to her house and she would tell me about her stories. She married once, the love of her life... and then they had a son, the second love of her life. Both died VERY young of cancer. She never remarried. Then she moves on to offering me a glass of whiskey. I was always on the job, so I sweetly declined. (If whiskey makes you that fiesty, and live that long... sign me up!) I use to go on my days off to iron her shorts... yes, I said shorts. It was the highlight of my day. She didn't even notice I couldn't iron! Haha
Ok another one... I was on another delievery... And this lady (again little old lady, but not very sweet at all) said her home healthcare nurse was running late and her back hurt really bad. She asked if I could rub a little BENGAY on it for her. I paused... due to being frightened and confused... and regretfully accepted. She turned around and faced the couch... only to drop her pants. I closed my eyes and said "oh no no no no... I certainly can't do that, but your nurse will be here shortly." Man that was a mess...
Moral of my story... Each one changed my life. No matter what my day was like, or how hard Christina was working me (yeah right) they always put smiles on our faces. Bet you didn't know that you could get your prescriptions filled and adopt a new family member all at the same time!
Get out... and make a difference people. Our children are growing up in a world of hate. I can't tell you how many status' on facebook said they wouldn't donate to the people in Haiti because people need just as much help here in America. Let me ask you this though... did you donate that $10 to someone else here in America? Probably not. And if you did, then I am sorry for being sarcastic!
The best quote is a line from Logan's favorite movie "A person's a person, no matter how small."
I have been under the bridges in downtown to feed the homeless, I have donated money every year to at least 4 different charities. Stopped at a red light and saw a homeless girl freezing so I gave her my new jacket off my back... (I don't give money though, Sorry!) I have sponsored a child from Africa with Aids for a year. I volunteered at the Epilespy Summer Camp despensing all the kids medications while being pregnant... It is easy to show someone else you care. Be the chnage you want to see in the world.
Ok, I am off my soapbox... you are only safe until tomorrow!
P.s. I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who have been reading my blogs. I didn't think that many people wanted to hear my story. Thank you. It is amazing...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Leaving Your Footprints
I think I really should start sleeping more often! My day starts off pretty early every morning, and I don't get any sleep in between. I think my gas tank might be running a little low tonight (well it's 3:30 in the morning). I didn't want to leave my readers hanging! The topic yesterday was deep and sincere. It was about my personal struggle for strength. Today, I want to write about my personal fight to leave behind footprints that can be viewed as kindness.
I want to change that world. Period. And if I can't do it, then I hope I can enstill the want in Logan (and maybe other sessions babies.... much later). A kind heart in my eyes is change. So many people are going into survival mode due to economical hardships, and that scares me. All the hate in this world, you wouldn't think that just ONE kind heart would take the hatred away... but it is a start. I want to raise Logan in an environment where there is an open door policy during holidays. When I was working at Country Place Pharmacy (You will hear me refer to it several times because my boss Christina, changed my life) we serviced all the eldery people living in the retirement community that was located behind us. We had customers of all ages, but the ones that stood out of the crowd were the ones with the kind smiles. The situations Christina and I were put in sometimes were CRAZY. I mean we laughed, we cried, we raised money for two of the residents that lost their entire house to a fire. Christina and I actually stood outside in disbelief as we watched their house burn to the ground. We saw spouses grieve when they lost the only love of their life. We met family members that always said "Wow, for only being a pharmacy my mom/dad sure does talk about you like you're one of the family." The reason behind all of this... we were kind and we genuinely cared for them. One time a customer had just gotten home from surgery and she couldn't get the cap off her ice pack... Christina let me drive all the way over there to unscrew it. There was this one sweet little old lady... man did I love her. She would keep me at her house for hours if I let her, telling me everything about anything. She had family, but not ones with an open ear and a patient heart. She ended up moving out to webster into an assisted living community. Sure enough I drove her prescriptions all the way out there. I even helped her unpack. She was such a sweet soul. On friday's they had family lunch there and she knew Friday was my day off. She told me for being so sweet she bought me a meal ticket so I could eat with her. Creamed corn along with other mushy, barely edible items had never tasted so good then in that moment. She was glowing, she because she had a friend.
I know you're all dying to hear some of the crazy stories before I make you run out and adopt a grandparent. :) This one whipper snapper... man was she a handful! She always kissed us on the lips, while trying to remember our names! One time she brought a fecal sample up in a zip lock bag... wanting to know if something was wrong with her. That was the type of person Christina was... everyone thought of her as the first person to come to for anything! Even poop! lol (It's funny to me) I would make a delievery to her house and she would tell me about her stories. She married once, the love of her life... and then they had a son, the second love of her life. Both died VERY young of cancer. She never remarried. Then she moves on to offering me a glass of whiskey. I was always on the job, so I sweetly declined. (If whiskey makes you that fiesty, and live that long... sign me up!) I use to go on my days off to iron her shorts... yes, I said shorts. It was the highlight of my day. She didn't even notice I couldn't iron! Haha
Ok another one... I was on another delievery... And this lady (again little old lady, but not very sweet at all) said her home healthcare nurse was running late and her back hurt really bad. She asked if I could rub a little BENGAY on it for her. I paused... due to being frightened and confused... and regretfully accepted. She turned around and faced the couch... only to drop her pants. I closed my eyes and said "oh no no no no... I certainly can't do that, but your nurse will be here shortly." Man that was a mess...
Moral of my story... Each one changed my life. No matter what my day was like, or how hard Christina was working me (yeah right) they always put smiles on our faces. Bet you didn't know that you could get your prescriptions filled and adopt a new family member all at the same time!
Get out... and make a difference people. Our children are growing up in a world of hate. I can't tell you how many status' on facebook said they wouldn't donate to the people in Haiti because people need just as much help here in America. Let me ask you this though... did you donate that $10 to someone else here in America? Probably not. And if you did, then I am sorry for being sarcastic!
The best quote is a line from Logan's favorite movie "A person's a person, no matter how small."
I have been under the bridges in downtown to feed the homeless, I have donated money every year to at least 4 different charities. Stopped at a red light and saw a homeless girl freezing so I gave her my new jacket off my back... (I don't give money though, Sorry!) I have sponsored a child from Africa with Aids for a year. I volunteered at the Epilespy Summer Camp despensing all the kids medications while being pregnant... It is easy to show someone else you care. Be the chnage you want to see in the world.
Ok, I am off my soapbox... you are only safe until tomorrow!
P.s. I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who have been reading my blogs. I didn't think that many people wanted to hear my story. Thank you. It is amazing...
I want to change that world. Period. And if I can't do it, then I hope I can enstill the want in Logan (and maybe other sessions babies.... much later). A kind heart in my eyes is change. So many people are going into survival mode due to economical hardships, and that scares me. All the hate in this world, you wouldn't think that just ONE kind heart would take the hatred away... but it is a start. I want to raise Logan in an environment where there is an open door policy during holidays. When I was working at Country Place Pharmacy (You will hear me refer to it several times because my boss Christina, changed my life) we serviced all the eldery people living in the retirement community that was located behind us. We had customers of all ages, but the ones that stood out of the crowd were the ones with the kind smiles. The situations Christina and I were put in sometimes were CRAZY. I mean we laughed, we cried, we raised money for two of the residents that lost their entire house to a fire. Christina and I actually stood outside in disbelief as we watched their house burn to the ground. We saw spouses grieve when they lost the only love of their life. We met family members that always said "Wow, for only being a pharmacy my mom/dad sure does talk about you like you're one of the family." The reason behind all of this... we were kind and we genuinely cared for them. One time a customer had just gotten home from surgery and she couldn't get the cap off her ice pack... Christina let me drive all the way over there to unscrew it. There was this one sweet little old lady... man did I love her. She would keep me at her house for hours if I let her, telling me everything about anything. She had family, but not ones with an open ear and a patient heart. She ended up moving out to webster into an assisted living community. Sure enough I drove her prescriptions all the way out there. I even helped her unpack. She was such a sweet soul. On friday's they had family lunch there and she knew Friday was my day off. She told me for being so sweet she bought me a meal ticket so I could eat with her. Creamed corn along with other mushy, barely edible items had never tasted so good then in that moment. She was glowing, she because she had a friend.
I know you're all dying to hear some of the crazy stories before I make you run out and adopt a grandparent. :) This one whipper snapper... man was she a handful! She always kissed us on the lips, while trying to remember our names! One time she brought a fecal sample up in a zip lock bag... wanting to know if something was wrong with her. That was the type of person Christina was... everyone thought of her as the first person to come to for anything! Even poop! lol (It's funny to me) I would make a delievery to her house and she would tell me about her stories. She married once, the love of her life... and then they had a son, the second love of her life. Both died VERY young of cancer. She never remarried. Then she moves on to offering me a glass of whiskey. I was always on the job, so I sweetly declined. (If whiskey makes you that fiesty, and live that long... sign me up!) I use to go on my days off to iron her shorts... yes, I said shorts. It was the highlight of my day. She didn't even notice I couldn't iron! Haha
Ok another one... I was on another delievery... And this lady (again little old lady, but not very sweet at all) said her home healthcare nurse was running late and her back hurt really bad. She asked if I could rub a little BENGAY on it for her. I paused... due to being frightened and confused... and regretfully accepted. She turned around and faced the couch... only to drop her pants. I closed my eyes and said "oh no no no no... I certainly can't do that, but your nurse will be here shortly." Man that was a mess...
Moral of my story... Each one changed my life. No matter what my day was like, or how hard Christina was working me (yeah right) they always put smiles on our faces. Bet you didn't know that you could get your prescriptions filled and adopt a new family member all at the same time!
Get out... and make a difference people. Our children are growing up in a world of hate. I can't tell you how many status' on facebook said they wouldn't donate to the people in Haiti because people need just as much help here in America. Let me ask you this though... did you donate that $10 to someone else here in America? Probably not. And if you did, then I am sorry for being sarcastic!
The best quote is a line from Logan's favorite movie "A person's a person, no matter how small."
I have been under the bridges in downtown to feed the homeless, I have donated money every year to at least 4 different charities. Stopped at a red light and saw a homeless girl freezing so I gave her my new jacket off my back... (I don't give money though, Sorry!) I have sponsored a child from Africa with Aids for a year. I volunteered at the Epilespy Summer Camp despensing all the kids medications while being pregnant... It is easy to show someone else you care. Be the chnage you want to see in the world.
Ok, I am off my soapbox... you are only safe until tomorrow!
P.s. I am overwhelmed by the amount of people who have been reading my blogs. I didn't think that many people wanted to hear my story. Thank you. It is amazing...
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Cleaning Out My Closet
Ok... so let's try this again. I have written a couple paragraphs on two different topics and then I've deleted it all.
This is my space... where I can dream, and vent, and talk about the things I want and think are important. I know this is public, but I feel like this is a way for me to let the world see my story... The reasons why I am the way I am...
So let's start with me telling my story of how my life changed...
It was an ordinary day, at the little hometown pharmacy I worked at for quite some time. We ran the pharmacy six days a week, just the two of us. Christina was the pharmacist, and I was her only technician. The sky was black, and it smelled like rain. I remember waking up that morning knowing it was going to be a gloomy day. I wasn't excepting to receive the worst news I have ever been given in my life to date. The phone rang, and before the first ring was over my pharmacist had answered the call.
Suddenly the air was stale in the store. My boss looked at me over her shoulder, and then went back to her phone call. All I could hear was "Are you ok?" and then she said "I understand, I'll tell her." She hung up the phone seconds later. My eyes still locked on hers, she walked over to me and rested her hand on my shoulder. I didn't want to listen to the words Christina was about to tell me. "That was your mom. Your father passed away early this morning" she said with tears in her eyes. I fell to the ground, not able to catch the last breath in my body.
I felt lifeless. My whole world stopped for that very moment. No prescriptions were being filled, the phone wasn't getting answered, and customers were giving us a minute to recollect. For the next few minutes, Christina and I shared a life changing experience. She held me, while I fell apart in her arms knowing that the world doesn't pause for someone's misfortune. I picked myself up off the floor and tried to forget everything that had just happened. Knowing my heart was crushed and my ability to function normally was temporally scarred, I was sent home until further notice.
The rest of that darkened day seemed to last for an eternity. The phone kept alerting me of all the missed calls and text messages I had received. Word travels fast I assumed. Who in their right mind wants to talk about their daddy never coming back, and who cares if anyone had sympathy for me. I went running in the pouring rain, thankful my tears were camouflaged. Shortly after I returned, I had to pack for the next few days of emptiness I was about to encounter. My flight to Colorado left at 6 am the following morning. I didn't have the slightest idea on what to wear to my dad's funeral. I hadn't ever planned on picking out an outfit for that tragic day.
I arrived in beautiful Colorado, except this time I couldn't see its beauty. A whole 24 hour period hadn't passed yet, and it only made my reality feel like a dream. My family was waiting at the funeral home to start making arrangements.
I sang at his funeral October 20th, 2006. I didn't think I would be able to get the words out, but I managed. I couldn't keep my eyes off that casket draped with the American Flag. My little brother couldn't handle it. He left as soon as I finished the song to go vomit in the parking lot. My other siblings and I sat in disbelief that our dad was taken from us. After all the guests had left, it was time to let go of his body. He was now just a memory, and a part of each of us that will forever live on in our hearts. I can't begin to tell you the things I remember from that day… the smell of his body… the coldness… how it didn't even look like him.
This was only the beginning…
I locked myself in my room… I barely would leave for days. I had to go back to work in order to pay my bills… but I was only physically there. Finally a few friends talked me into going out with them… And that turned me into a new way to deal with my pain. I drank. I drank. And then I really did drink some more. I remember one day I showed up to work and Christina (My boss) took me outside behind the building and told me to scream. She said she wouldn't let me back in until I screamed as loud as I could. I refused over and over again. She told me she would send me home if I didn't… And she did. I remember throwing up all the way home in a walmart bag I had in my car… (Yes TMI, but the emotion was so real) This is the turning point that I started my downfall to rock bottom. I did horrible things, I was very irresponsible… and I lost so many people who were very important to me. My mom had to walk on eggshells… I was sooo mean to her. She was the only person around that I could be mean to. I searched for support groups… I was either too young, too old, my dad died unexpectantly and wasn't on hospice, or I was the wrong color. A white female in her 20's fell through the crack when it came to free counseling. I couldn't afford to go somewhere and talk to someone. I finally found the grief and share program at New Hope Church. I went a few times. I felt like I didn't belong there because people had worse stories of loss. Children that passed, spouses of 50+ years, murdered siblings… so I stopped going. Again I felt on my own. I cashed a $700 paycheck… which was all I had those days living paycheck to paycheck… and went to the bar, and somehow lost everything that night. A friend of mine called my mom… I was so angry that my mom called me and was worried that I broke my phone. I was a mess… going nowhere fast. You are probably thinking "why is she telling me all this"… The truth is I think this blog is for me. I need to let this go. You won't find me shedding a tear. I feel like I would be letting myself slip. Crying isn't ever going to bring him back, or change the person I became that day.
The turning point… February 14th, 2007… 4 months later, I made a choice to put myself back together. I remember sitting in my room, telling myself that this was not the person I was… and I refused to continue on this path. Death is the only thing that is keeping us alive. So from that day forward I accepted that my dad was gone.
A year later… My step sister committed suicide in my hometown and my grandfather joined my dad. Grief and loss seemed to becoming a part of my future, but I remained strong. I shed a few tears as my goodbye, but that was it.
I'm ending on this note… I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I am just letting go and giving myself a fresh start. I want to look at my scars head on. I am not afraid of falling down… because you can bet your last dollar that I will get right back up. Don't be so quick to judge someone… because we are all fighting our own battles.
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Cleaning Out My Closet
Ok... so let's try this again. I have written a couple paragraphs on two different topics and then I've deleted it all.
This is my space... where I can dream, and vent, and talk about the things I want and think are important. I know this is public, but I feel like this is a way for me to let the world see my story... The reasons why I am the way I am...
So let's start with me telling my story of how my life changed...
It was an ordinary day, at the little hometown pharmacy I worked at for quite some time. We ran the pharmacy six days a week, just the two of us. Christina was the pharmacist, and I was her only technician. The sky was black, and it smelled like rain. I remember waking up that morning knowing it was going to be a gloomy day. I wasn't excepting to receive the worst news I have ever been given in my life to date. The phone rang, and before the first ring was over my pharmacist had answered the call.
Suddenly the air was stale in the store. My boss looked at me over her shoulder, and then went back to her phone call. All I could hear was "Are you ok?" and then she said "I understand, I'll tell her." She hung up the phone seconds later. My eyes still locked on hers, she walked over to me and rested her hand on my shoulder. I didn't want to listen to the words Christina was about to tell me. "That was your mom. Your father passed away early this morning" she said with tears in her eyes. I fell to the ground, not able to catch the last breath in my body.
I felt lifeless. My whole world stopped for that very moment. No prescriptions were being filled, the phone wasn't getting answered, and customers were giving us a minute to recollect. For the next few minutes, Christina and I shared a life changing experience. She held me, while I fell apart in her arms knowing that the world doesn't pause for someone's misfortune. I picked myself up off the floor and tried to forget everything that had just happened. Knowing my heart was crushed and my ability to function normally was temporally scarred, I was sent home until further notice.
The rest of that darkened day seemed to last for an eternity. The phone kept alerting me of all the missed calls and text messages I had received. Word travels fast I assumed. Who in their right mind wants to talk about their daddy never coming back, and who cares if anyone had sympathy for me. I went running in the pouring rain, thankful my tears were camouflaged. Shortly after I returned, I had to pack for the next few days of emptiness I was about to encounter. My flight to Colorado left at 6 am the following morning. I didn't have the slightest idea on what to wear to my dad's funeral. I hadn't ever planned on picking out an outfit for that tragic day.
I arrived in beautiful Colorado, except this time I couldn't see its beauty. A whole 24 hour period hadn't passed yet, and it only made my reality feel like a dream. My family was waiting at the funeral home to start making arrangements.
I sang at his funeral October 20th, 2006. I didn't think I would be able to get the words out, but I managed. I couldn't keep my eyes off that casket draped with the American Flag. My little brother couldn't handle it. He left as soon as I finished the song to go vomit in the parking lot. My other siblings and I sat in disbelief that our dad was taken from us. After all the guests had left, it was time to let go of his body. He was now just a memory, and a part of each of us that will forever live on in our hearts. I can't begin to tell you the things I remember from that day… the smell of his body… the coldness… how it didn't even look like him.
This was only the beginning…
I locked myself in my room… I barely would leave for days. I had to go back to work in order to pay my bills… but I was only physically there. Finally a few friends talked me into going out with them… And that turned me into a new way to deal with my pain. I drank. I drank. And then I really did drink some more. I remember one day I showed up to work and Christina (My boss) took me outside behind the building and told me to scream. She said she wouldn't let me back in until I screamed as loud as I could. I refused over and over again. She told me she would send me home if I didn't… And she did. I remember throwing up all the way home in a walmart bag I had in my car… (Yes TMI, but the emotion was so real) This is the turning point that I started my downfall to rock bottom. I did horrible things, I was very irresponsible… and I lost so many people who were very important to me. My mom had to walk on eggshells… I was sooo mean to her. She was the only person around that I could be mean to. I searched for support groups… I was either too young, too old, my dad died unexpectantly and wasn't on hospice, or I was the wrong color. A white female in her 20's fell through the crack when it came to free counseling. I couldn't afford to go somewhere and talk to someone. I finally found the grief and share program at New Hope Church. I went a few times. I felt like I didn't belong there because people had worse stories of loss. Children that passed, spouses of 50+ years, murdered siblings… so I stopped going. Again I felt on my own. I cashed a $700 paycheck… which was all I had those days living paycheck to paycheck… and went to the bar, and somehow lost everything that night. A friend of mine called my mom… I was so angry that my mom called me and was worried that I broke my phone. I was a mess… going nowhere fast. You are probably thinking "why is she telling me all this"… The truth is I think this blog is for me. I need to let this go. You won't find me shedding a tear. I feel like I would be letting myself slip. Crying isn't ever going to bring him back, or change the person I became that day.
The turning point… February 14th, 2007… 4 months later, I made a choice to put myself back together. I remember sitting in my room, telling myself that this was not the person I was… and I refused to continue on this path. Death is the only thing that is keeping us alive. So from that day forward I accepted that my dad was gone.
A year later… My step sister committed suicide in my hometown and my grandfather joined my dad. Grief and loss seemed to becoming a part of my future, but I remained strong. I shed a few tears as my goodbye, but that was it.
I'm ending on this note… I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. I am just letting go and giving myself a fresh start. I want to look at my scars head on. I am not afraid of falling down… because you can bet your last dollar that I will get right back up. Don't be so quick to judge someone… because we are all fighting our own battles.
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Second Day- Food for Thought
Today was kind of an emotionless day for me. I wasn't sure if I should be happy, or be sad... so I just stayed in the middle. I have a mountain standing on my shoulder. It seems like more things are falling apart, then staying together. The one thing that is working out... Is we will get to travel together as a family. Again, we have our bags packed and we are ready to go... but Logan and I's paperwork is STILL not approved! This past Monday they called and told James he would just have to leave without us... But he kept fighting and calling everyone he could, and they granted him a few more days. I can't wait to finally unpack our house.... It has been since July 2009. I don't even remember everything that is packed. It will be like Chirstmas for us when we finally get to unpack! I can't wait for Logan to finally have a room! How sad is that! He hears me say "No" a million times a day... he needs his own space too! With all the things going wrong... I need to just breathe. Sometimes I feel so guilty for being upset that we still haven't left! At least I get to be with my husband, and Logan has his daddy every night. So many soldiers are deployed. I should be more thankful for the extra days I do get to have here with my friends and family. I guess my nerves just want it to be over with.
As I listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood... I just can't imagine. I get chills everytime I hear the words. I know that we adapt to our surroundings, and what life throws at us... BUT do we ever really prepare ourselves for becoming Military Spouses? Sometimes I think it is no big deal, and it is just like any other marriage. Then I start to think of everything that we are faced with... moving, deployments, friendships... Wow! It is all pretty amazing. I looked on facebook tonight to try and find a wives group over in Korea. We will see if I can meet anyone over there... maybe a friend for Logan. I am just thankful that he is so young. We don't have to take him out of school or away from his friends. We talked about making a will when we get over there. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I have changed my decision on who would get Logan if something were to happen to us. I think it is a good one... just makes me sad to think about him having to go through the death of a parent. It will be 4 years in Nov and I am still struggling. That is for another night though... I just want to remember how important it is to love everyone.
"Baby why'd you leave me, Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream." Just remember that life truly is short. I can't believe that I don't have a Dad anymore, and my tiny baby is already 15 months... James and I have almost been married two years! Time doesn't stop for anyone... and you never know when it is your time to experience loss and grief. I could go on... I have so much to say on this topic, but I don't want to lose anyone in my head :) I will continue tomorrow...
I am thankful that I have LOVE in my life. Although there are many relationships in my life that I need to work on, this will be my first step. And from this day forward I will try my best to have a quiet tongue (except on here) and be simply inspiring! Goodnight followers... Thank you for caring :)
As I listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood... I just can't imagine. I get chills everytime I hear the words. I know that we adapt to our surroundings, and what life throws at us... BUT do we ever really prepare ourselves for becoming Military Spouses? Sometimes I think it is no big deal, and it is just like any other marriage. Then I start to think of everything that we are faced with... moving, deployments, friendships... Wow! It is all pretty amazing. I looked on facebook tonight to try and find a wives group over in Korea. We will see if I can meet anyone over there... maybe a friend for Logan. I am just thankful that he is so young. We don't have to take him out of school or away from his friends. We talked about making a will when we get over there. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I have changed my decision on who would get Logan if something were to happen to us. I think it is a good one... just makes me sad to think about him having to go through the death of a parent. It will be 4 years in Nov and I am still struggling. That is for another night though... I just want to remember how important it is to love everyone.
"Baby why'd you leave me, Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream." Just remember that life truly is short. I can't believe that I don't have a Dad anymore, and my tiny baby is already 15 months... James and I have almost been married two years! Time doesn't stop for anyone... and you never know when it is your time to experience loss and grief. I could go on... I have so much to say on this topic, but I don't want to lose anyone in my head :) I will continue tomorrow...
I am thankful that I have LOVE in my life. Although there are many relationships in my life that I need to work on, this will be my first step. And from this day forward I will try my best to have a quiet tongue (except on here) and be simply inspiring! Goodnight followers... Thank you for caring :)
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Second Day- Food for Thought
Today was kind of an emotionless day for me. I wasn't sure if I should be happy, or be sad... so I just stayed in the middle. I have a mountain standing on my shoulder. It seems like more things are falling apart, then staying together. The one thing that is working out... Is we will get to travel together as a family. Again, we have our bags packed and we are ready to go... but Logan and I's paperwork is STILL not approved! This past Monday they called and told James he would just have to leave without us... But he kept fighting and calling everyone he could, and they granted him a few more days. I can't wait to finally unpack our house.... It has been since July 2009. I don't even remember everything that is packed. It will be like Chirstmas for us when we finally get to unpack! I can't wait for Logan to finally have a room! How sad is that! He hears me say "No" a million times a day... he needs his own space too! With all the things going wrong... I need to just breathe. Sometimes I feel so guilty for being upset that we still haven't left! At least I get to be with my husband, and Logan has his daddy every night. So many soldiers are deployed. I should be more thankful for the extra days I do get to have here with my friends and family. I guess my nerves just want it to be over with.
As I listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood... I just can't imagine. I get chills everytime I hear the words. I know that we adapt to our surroundings, and what life throws at us... BUT do we ever really prepare ourselves for becoming Military Spouses? Sometimes I think it is no big deal, and it is just like any other marriage. Then I start to think of everything that we are faced with... moving, deployments, friendships... Wow! It is all pretty amazing. I looked on facebook tonight to try and find a wives group over in Korea. We will see if I can meet anyone over there... maybe a friend for Logan. I am just thankful that he is so young. We don't have to take him out of school or away from his friends. We talked about making a will when we get over there. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I have changed my decision on who would get Logan if something were to happen to us. I think it is a good one... just makes me sad to think about him having to go through the death of a parent. It will be 4 years in Nov and I am still struggling. That is for another night though... I just want to remember how important it is to love everyone.
"Baby why'd you leave me, Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream." Just remember that life truly is short. I can't believe that I don't have a Dad anymore, and my tiny baby is already 15 months... James and I have almost been married two years! Time doesn't stop for anyone... and you never know when it is your time to experience loss and grief. I could go on... I have so much to say on this topic, but I don't want to lose anyone in my head :) I will continue tomorrow...
I am thankful that I have LOVE in my life. Although there are many relationships in my life that I need to work on, this will be my first step. And from this day forward I will try my best to have a quiet tongue (except on here) and be simply inspiring! Goodnight followers... Thank you for caring :)
As I listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood... I just can't imagine. I get chills everytime I hear the words. I know that we adapt to our surroundings, and what life throws at us... BUT do we ever really prepare ourselves for becoming Military Spouses? Sometimes I think it is no big deal, and it is just like any other marriage. Then I start to think of everything that we are faced with... moving, deployments, friendships... Wow! It is all pretty amazing. I looked on facebook tonight to try and find a wives group over in Korea. We will see if I can meet anyone over there... maybe a friend for Logan. I am just thankful that he is so young. We don't have to take him out of school or away from his friends. We talked about making a will when we get over there. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I have changed my decision on who would get Logan if something were to happen to us. I think it is a good one... just makes me sad to think about him having to go through the death of a parent. It will be 4 years in Nov and I am still struggling. That is for another night though... I just want to remember how important it is to love everyone.
"Baby why'd you leave me, Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream." Just remember that life truly is short. I can't believe that I don't have a Dad anymore, and my tiny baby is already 15 months... James and I have almost been married two years! Time doesn't stop for anyone... and you never know when it is your time to experience loss and grief. I could go on... I have so much to say on this topic, but I don't want to lose anyone in my head :) I will continue tomorrow...
I am thankful that I have LOVE in my life. Although there are many relationships in my life that I need to work on, this will be my first step. And from this day forward I will try my best to have a quiet tongue (except on here) and be simply inspiring! Goodnight followers... Thank you for caring :)
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Laying the Foundation
There should be something exciting about writing your first blog. I think for me, it is refreshing. I have somewhere to record my thoughts, my fears, my dreams, and my days.... without feeling like I might upset someone. This is going to be a way for people to follow my journey... In just a few days we will be living in a new country across the world. Being an Army Wife has so many perks, but just as many stresses. I am ready to take flight... stand on my own two feet. It is either sink or swim. Through this crazy adventure I call life, I will remain faithful to the people following my traveled roads.
There is so much on my mind right now... family, friends, how Logan is going to be on the plane, leaving behind my dog :( , all the upcoming babies and weddings I will be missing, not to mention AMERICAN FOOD! We don't know where we will be living until we get there... another little panic of mine. Will there be TV? Grey's? OTH? LOST? Haha and will there be parks for Logan to enjoy? What if I don't want to try new exotic dishes!!! I have never been on a subway, only eaten at one! Not to mention we decided to NOT bring a car!! Decisions Decisions! I did however manage to sneak the Christmas Tree in...
A note of peace... To all of the people who have stood by my side for longer than a night at the local bar, but a meaningful friend.... Thank you. It is because of you that I have always found the strength to keep truckin' and the reassurance that any dream of mine isn't farther than a star away... I am lucky to face this life changing move leaving behind some amazing friends knowing that someday down the road we will exchange our life stories again.
To my husband... I never thought in a million years that I would be moving across the world... but following my heart is the right choice. You have opened up so many doors and shoved me out of my box! (That's a good thing) I think that this path... is going to be very positive. Our relationship is going to advance to so many different levels. I love you and am so proud of you.
My momma bear... you have taught me everything I know. If only your patience was passed down to me! Thank you for never being more than a call away... I don't want to think of this move as heartbreaking... but a way to love you more and make you proud of the woman I will become. We have always had each other, and still will. We will just be a little further than usual. I will always hold you so close in my heart. You truly are the most amazing woman. Don't let absence make your heart sad... Make it feel blessed. No longer do I need to be under your wing... I am finally ready to fly!! Thank you for all the love!
This is going to be a journey of tears, laughs, pictures, excitement, strength, and The Sessions establishing their home in South Korea for the next two to three years. I hope you all laugh, and cry with me. This is real... This is my heart... This is where I will turn to renew my strength.
I hope you choose to follow me :) Goodnight Bloggers.....
There is so much on my mind right now... family, friends, how Logan is going to be on the plane, leaving behind my dog :( , all the upcoming babies and weddings I will be missing, not to mention AMERICAN FOOD! We don't know where we will be living until we get there... another little panic of mine. Will there be TV? Grey's? OTH? LOST? Haha and will there be parks for Logan to enjoy? What if I don't want to try new exotic dishes!!! I have never been on a subway, only eaten at one! Not to mention we decided to NOT bring a car!! Decisions Decisions! I did however manage to sneak the Christmas Tree in...
A note of peace... To all of the people who have stood by my side for longer than a night at the local bar, but a meaningful friend.... Thank you. It is because of you that I have always found the strength to keep truckin' and the reassurance that any dream of mine isn't farther than a star away... I am lucky to face this life changing move leaving behind some amazing friends knowing that someday down the road we will exchange our life stories again.
To my husband... I never thought in a million years that I would be moving across the world... but following my heart is the right choice. You have opened up so many doors and shoved me out of my box! (That's a good thing) I think that this path... is going to be very positive. Our relationship is going to advance to so many different levels. I love you and am so proud of you.
My momma bear... you have taught me everything I know. If only your patience was passed down to me! Thank you for never being more than a call away... I don't want to think of this move as heartbreaking... but a way to love you more and make you proud of the woman I will become. We have always had each other, and still will. We will just be a little further than usual. I will always hold you so close in my heart. You truly are the most amazing woman. Don't let absence make your heart sad... Make it feel blessed. No longer do I need to be under your wing... I am finally ready to fly!! Thank you for all the love!
This is going to be a journey of tears, laughs, pictures, excitement, strength, and The Sessions establishing their home in South Korea for the next two to three years. I hope you all laugh, and cry with me. This is real... This is my heart... This is where I will turn to renew my strength.
I hope you choose to follow me :) Goodnight Bloggers.....
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
Laying the Foundation
There should be something exciting about writing your first blog. I think for me, it is refreshing. I have somewhere to record my thoughts, my fears, my dreams, and my days.... without feeling like I might upset someone. This is going to be a way for people to follow my journey... In just a few days we will be living in a new country across the world. Being an Army Wife has so many perks, but just as many stresses. I am ready to take flight... stand on my own two feet. It is either sink or swim. Through this crazy adventure I call life, I will remain faithful to the people following my traveled roads.
There is so much on my mind right now... family, friends, how Logan is going to be on the plane, leaving behind my dog :( , all the upcoming babies and weddings I will be missing, not to mention AMERICAN FOOD! We don't know where we will be living until we get there... another little panic of mine. Will there be TV? Grey's? OTH? LOST? Haha and will there be parks for Logan to enjoy? What if I don't want to try new exotic dishes!!! I have never been on a subway, only eaten at one! Not to mention we decided to NOT bring a car!! Decisions Decisions! I did however manage to sneak the Christmas Tree in...
A note of peace... To all of the people who have stood by my side for longer than a night at the local bar, but a meaningful friend.... Thank you. It is because of you that I have always found the strength to keep truckin' and the reassurance that any dream of mine isn't farther than a star away... I am lucky to face this life changing move leaving behind some amazing friends knowing that someday down the road we will exchange our life stories again.
To my husband... I never thought in a million years that I would be moving across the world... but following my heart is the right choice. You have opened up so many doors and shoved me out of my box! (That's a good thing) I think that this path... is going to be very positive. Our relationship is going to advance to so many different levels. I love you and am so proud of you.
My momma bear... you have taught me everything I know. If only your patience was passed down to me! Thank you for never being more than a call away... I don't want to think of this move as heartbreaking... but a way to love you more and make you proud of the woman I will become. We have always had each other, and still will. We will just be a little further than usual. I will always hold you so close in my heart. You truly are the most amazing woman. Don't let absence make your heart sad... Make it feel blessed. No longer do I need to be under your wing... I am finally ready to fly!! Thank you for all the love!
This is going to be a journey of tears, laughs, pictures, excitement, strength, and The Sessions establishing their home in South Korea for the next two to three years. I hope you all laugh, and cry with me. This is real... This is my heart... This is where I will turn to renew my strength.
I hope you choose to follow me :) Goodnight Bloggers.....
There is so much on my mind right now... family, friends, how Logan is going to be on the plane, leaving behind my dog :( , all the upcoming babies and weddings I will be missing, not to mention AMERICAN FOOD! We don't know where we will be living until we get there... another little panic of mine. Will there be TV? Grey's? OTH? LOST? Haha and will there be parks for Logan to enjoy? What if I don't want to try new exotic dishes!!! I have never been on a subway, only eaten at one! Not to mention we decided to NOT bring a car!! Decisions Decisions! I did however manage to sneak the Christmas Tree in...
A note of peace... To all of the people who have stood by my side for longer than a night at the local bar, but a meaningful friend.... Thank you. It is because of you that I have always found the strength to keep truckin' and the reassurance that any dream of mine isn't farther than a star away... I am lucky to face this life changing move leaving behind some amazing friends knowing that someday down the road we will exchange our life stories again.
To my husband... I never thought in a million years that I would be moving across the world... but following my heart is the right choice. You have opened up so many doors and shoved me out of my box! (That's a good thing) I think that this path... is going to be very positive. Our relationship is going to advance to so many different levels. I love you and am so proud of you.
My momma bear... you have taught me everything I know. If only your patience was passed down to me! Thank you for never being more than a call away... I don't want to think of this move as heartbreaking... but a way to love you more and make you proud of the woman I will become. We have always had each other, and still will. We will just be a little further than usual. I will always hold you so close in my heart. You truly are the most amazing woman. Don't let absence make your heart sad... Make it feel blessed. No longer do I need to be under your wing... I am finally ready to fly!! Thank you for all the love!
This is going to be a journey of tears, laughs, pictures, excitement, strength, and The Sessions establishing their home in South Korea for the next two to three years. I hope you all laugh, and cry with me. This is real... This is my heart... This is where I will turn to renew my strength.
I hope you choose to follow me :) Goodnight Bloggers.....
Trying to understand my place in this life. Knowing it's my temporary home makes me rethink the way I have treated some people. I try to have a heart of gold, but at the same time I have an inner struggle of peace. I am determined to change the world. Cupcakes with beer.... the struggle is real.
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