Second Day- Food for Thought

Today was kind of an emotionless day for me. I wasn't sure if I should be happy, or be sad... so I just stayed in the middle. I have a mountain standing on my shoulder. It seems like more things are falling apart, then staying together. The one thing that is working out... Is we will get to travel together as a family. Again, we have our bags packed and we are ready to go... but Logan and I's paperwork is STILL not approved! This past Monday they called and told James he would just have to leave without us... But he kept fighting and calling everyone he could, and they granted him a few more days. I can't wait to finally unpack our house.... It has been since July 2009. I don't even remember everything that is packed. It will be like Chirstmas for us when we finally get to unpack! I can't wait for Logan to finally have a room! How sad is that! He hears me say "No" a million times a day... he needs his own space too! With all the things going wrong... I need to just breathe. Sometimes I feel so guilty for being upset that we still haven't left! At least I get to be with my husband, and Logan has his daddy every night. So many soldiers are deployed. I should be more thankful for the extra days I do get to have here with my friends and family. I guess my nerves just want it to be over with.

As I listen to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood... I just can't imagine. I get chills everytime I hear the words. I know that we adapt to our surroundings, and what life throws at us... BUT do we ever really prepare ourselves for becoming Military Spouses? Sometimes I think it is no big deal, and it is just like any other marriage. Then I start to think of everything that we are faced with... moving, deployments, friendships... Wow! It is all pretty amazing. I looked on facebook tonight to try and find a wives group over in Korea. We will see if I can meet anyone over there... maybe a friend for Logan. I am just thankful that he is so young. We don't have to take him out of school or away from his friends. We talked about making a will when we get over there. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I have changed my decision on who would get Logan if something were to happen to us. I think it is a good one... just makes me sad to think about him having to go through the death of a parent. It will be 4 years in Nov and I am still struggling. That is for another night though... I just want to remember how important it is to love everyone.

"Baby why'd you leave me, Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background. Everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream." Just remember that life truly is short. I can't believe that I don't have a Dad anymore, and my tiny baby is already 15 months... James and I have almost been married two years! Time doesn't stop for anyone... and you never know when it is your time to experience loss and grief. I could go on... I have so much to say on this topic, but I don't want to lose anyone in my head :) I will continue tomorrow...

I am thankful that I have LOVE in my life. Although there are many relationships in my life that I need to work on, this will be my first step. And from this day forward I will try my best to have a quiet tongue (except on here) and be simply inspiring! Goodnight followers... Thank you for caring :)