So now you're all wondering what I am talking about.
My weight.
Maybe I was in denial for a while, but after thinking about it.... This inner monster has battled with me since Junior High. Yes, I have been at a healthy weight for most of that time, but I have never been happy with my body. I have never looked in the mirror and said "Dang Girl, You're all that and a bag of chips."
Speaking of chips.... Just kidding.
So back to my struggle. I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I have this false expectation that weight should be falling off of me now that I had Kora... but the truth is... It's sticking like glue. I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I sure as heck won't lose it all overnight! It is going to take lots of time. Thank goodness I have all the time in the world. Well, kind of.
So now you're all thinking..... the terrible, horrible, NO GOOD, very bad question. How much do I weigh? I feel like if I spill the beans (More like lay off the beans) then I will keep myself accountable. I feel like if I scream at the world... "Hey, I'm really struggling here.... I'm unhealthy and I want to change!" Maybe someone else will get motivated and change their life with me.
192 lbs.... That's the damage. And I say damange because our bodies aren't meant to carry this much weight, and neither are our organs. You know, the important things that keep you alive?
All I have is excuses.
Korea (It was rough), Getting on Anti-Depressants (Yes, I'm human), Birth-Control (They say it can make you gain weight), Cupcakes (They're so good), Holidays (There's always a holiday), Being Pregnant (The more sweets you eat the sweeter the kid), Cupcakes (Always wanting cupcakes)..... That's all they are, Excuses.
Now this is where I change my excuses into actions. I am now holding myself accountable. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore.
Things I Hate:
- Wearing jeans everyday during the 100 degree plus summers because I won't wear shorts.
- Logan.... He hasn't been swimming before because I won't wear a swimsuit.
- If a Zombie was running after me... I would die... because I am overweight. (Hey, This lady could feed our whole clan!)
- Getting my picture taken.
- Shopping for clothes.
- Thinking about
- Exercising in front of people.
- How all the yummy food is SO BAD for you.
- And the list goes on.....
Here's a picture of right before I met James and a picture of right after I met him.
(Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I was a Bud Girl.)
This is me now:
So here we go.... First step is admitting there is a problem and finding a way to fix it. I'm being honest with you... and with myself. Only hardwork will get me to where I need to be... where I WANT to be.
**Disclaimer- This blog isn't going to become a crazy fitness blog, but it will have updates on my weigh-ins and daily struggles.**
2 comments:
I was 220 on delivery day with Ethan, 202 with Embry. You are right, the weight didn't come on overnight. I've learned after years of crash dieting this way, food binging that way; slow and steady are the best. This year, my weight has finally started coming off. Slowly. And ya know what? It's staying off! It's been and 11 month process and still going. Make a small change every month, don't overwhelm yourself! You can do this. =)
I can totally relate, Mal! I gained 30+ pounds after I met Joe. The whole "honeymoon" part of the relationship where we just wanted to stay in and watch movies and order pizza or we were always going to eat a some restaurant. it didn't bother me as much cause in my mind, Joe loved me the way I was. It wasn't until one night out with friends that one of them said "Damn, Lucy you got fat girl". My heart sank into my stomach. When I asked Joe about my weight for the first time, he hesitated to find words and said "you have put on a few pounds but I have too, no big deal". And I just felt that he was being nice. I also have never been 100% satisfied with my body. After the New Year, I saw my cousin post about losing 22 lbs in 24 days doing the 24 Day Challenge. That's when I decided to reallocate my funds and told myself no more shopping or buying anything until after this challenge. The first 10 days was the herbal cleanse part with some omega-3 supplements. I also started doing some workout videos at home and jogging for 20 minutes around the neighborhood. I lost 6 lbs and 3 inches after the first 10 days! That really motivated me to keep going. By the end of the 24 days, I had lost 5 1/2 inches on my waist and 17 lbs. I also started signing up for small runs and got a gym membership. The hardest part was definitely the eating! Mainly, because I hate cleaning up after cooking so eating out was always more convenient. That was in 2010! Now, I do nutritional mixers and sell the 24 day challenge on the side and have involved myself in higher fitness training aka CrossFit. Best part is Joe does it with me and that has helped with accountability. But lately I have been struggling because of lack of time to cook because of the nursing program. I have gained a few lbs the past couple weeks and my fridge is empty! Haven't even had time to shop! I'm hoping after the wedding next month, I will be able to get back on board and not steer away again!
I believe in you Mal! And the biggest thing I have learned that "mind over matter" is super important. If you fall off, just jump back on! You have me, and I'm certain tons of others who have your back. I will be at your service for motivation, recipes, and whatever you need! I love you and am very proud of all that you have accomplished thus far, and you will conquer this one as well!
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