To be honest...I hardly read articles on Facebook.
This article hit me HARD.
Didn't cry, but I wanted to.
It was a letter she wrote to herself about becoming a mom, again. She wanted to remind herself that no matter how tired she was, just to kiss her baby one more time because they won't be that little ever again.
I keep finding myself wishing I could speed up time. Terrible Two's are in full sing with Miss K. She has done every. single. thing. to test my patience, to test my sanity, to test my breaking point. I look at her more often then I should admit and think "Oh baby girl, please grow out of this stage." It's heartbreaking. She is a piece of my everything. I would give anything to freeze time... to hold her in my arms when she is tired... Or clean up after the horrendous mess she makes on a daily basis.
I'm not ready to let her grow up.
I keep finding myself wishing I could speed up time. Fierce Five's are ever so present for Mr. L. He knows everything. He corrects me on a daily basis of all the things I do wrong. His mind is a sponge so every second he is awake he is yearning for knowledge. Asking me a million questions, how to spell a thousand words, and to make him a hundred snacks. I look at him more often then I should admit and think "My sweet boy, I can't wait until you can spell on your own and make your own snacks." (In my defense, he ALWAYS asks me right when I sit down to pee, feed the baby, or after asking him if he wants anything and he tells me no.) It makes me feel like a horrible mom. He is my heart. I look at him and see so much joy. I would give anything to freeze time... to spell out a million words and to answer all his questions about life. ("How does your Dr. get babies out of your belly?" or "Are you a Missionary mom? Are you ready to tell the world what you know about Jesus?")
I'm not ready to let him grow up.
Then there is Baby S. Three weeks old today. Already.... Need I say more?
Being this tired reminds me of all I have to be grateful for. These kids are mine. (Well, James' too!) They make me laugh. They make me crazy. They make me cry. I'm not the perfect mom. I try my best though. They're happy and loved so much.
I think I've listened to this 100 times tonight. At least 100.
It makes me want to wake them up and just snuggle them. It also makes me thinks about how my mom and dad feel (or felt) about me. I understand now. I wish I would have fully understood while my dad was still here. They brought me into this world, yes.... but they LOVED me through everything. Through my terrible two's, fierce five's, my MEAN teenage years.
My dad made me feel loved until his last day on this earth.
My mom loved me through my train wreck of a life after my dad died. My anger, the drugs, the alcohol, the horrible relationships.... (Gasp, I'm not perfect. I told you.) She stood by me... she held me... she helped me see the light again.
I want to be just like her. I want to love my kids as much as she loves me. And I will.
Just remember... As they grow... We Grow too.
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